Alka Mansik Pramarsh Foundation Clinical Psychologists-Family therapists Indore 0731-4263087,9179383554

Anita declined invitations to her friend’s home , as she knew she would not be able to control her son from wandering about in her friends’ place nor could he be left alone home unattended .Her son Deepak has been diagnosed with ADHD. She preferred staying back home rather than getting embarrassed by being told ,”your son is not in your control .You need to be more strict with him”.Any amount of explanation to people was of no use .They don’t understand,what it is and how it feels to become a mother to an ADHD child.She can not control him at home too.The child is always edgy ,restless and agitated for constantly being followed by her all around,and being told,don’t touch this,leave that alone or sit still,don’t move.

From the minute I entered the office to listen to the school’s complaints about my 9 years old son Gautam I had been anticipating this time they would ask me find another school for him .I had come prepared to apologise and request them to allow me more time to discipline Gautam .I wanted to promise my son would behave henceforth.

I noticed Gautam fidgeting restlessly in his seat. He picked up the paper weight from the table and started rolling it like a roller pin on the table glass . I took away the weight and told Gautam to sit quietly.

But as soon as I began my greetings to the teachers in the room ,my son got up from his seat and moved towards the side of the Principal’s chair.

I felt quite awkward and ashamed of myself. I lost it , and shouted at my son,”get back to your seat and sit still “.

The principal smiled at me and in a very gentle tone told me,”do not pay attention to the child.He will soon be fine”.In a very sweet hush she told Gautam,” Mr you want to sit here or next to your mom.If you sit here I will have to move out”.Gautam gently moved back.

Eventually I felt relaxed.Something just told me,”this school can handle my son better “.

Most of the schools we have been to earlier would simply judge my son as someone with destructive mindset because they just didn’t understand the condition of ADHD .

I want to discuss the Term ADHD so that people understand such so called attention deficit hyper kids , their restlessness and ADHD.

It is never the fault of the child that he behaves like the way he does .

A hyper child’s brain works differently as compared to the normal kids.An ADHD kid suffers from neurological issue. The child doesn’t do things he does deliberately. The urge to be on the go comes from within .It is purely uncontrollable.,Only if the child could be trained to have more self-control and focus, he would behave differently. It’s not easy for ADHD child .He /she gets no fun but on the contrary struggles with such issues. Most of the people are not aware of such conditions of the child and they form an opinion ,” “It must be the parents’ fault that the child behaves this way”.

Every parent will prefer a disciplined child.But in such case the parent is as helpless as the child and it is wrong to hold the parent responsible.

It is a complicated neural cognitive issue and not a regular behavioural matter

ADHD refers to the neural complications,affective,conative , cognitive and neural disturbances of the child. It does not simply refer to the child being indisciplined, mischievous , out of control. not just about being “hyper” nor , not listening and following instructions .His visible behaviour is just a minor fraction of what he has been mentally suffering internally. He suffers and finds it difficult in many other areas of his life which may not be apparently seen by all of us. He struggles to handle even those routine things of life which for your normal kids are just a daily chorus . My ADHD child finds it difficult to manage his homework. He loses track of his time .He often loses his little things like pen, pencil, copies, notebooks and sometimes even his school bag. His chain of thoughts get derailed, and emotions go haywire . He just lives for the moment, the hour and the day,because he does not know where his mind will move next or what he needs to attend to next .

1.Should we hold parents responsible if the child is not normal
It is possible that all parents will show some leniency ,some tolerance and patience towards their young children.We don’t always present a picture of perfection in our upbringing. We may not always do the right thing as a parent, but my parenting isn’t the cause of his challenges. Yes, I discipline him. And when he acts out, I give him consequences. But what works with other kids often doesn’t work with him. Or it doesn’t work every time. Sometimes I blame myself, even though I’m not sure what I’m blaming myself for.
2.Is he really rude or insulting. Trust me , he is not He’s not being rude or defiant.
Well, he can be those things from time to time, just like any kid. But the behaviour you may see as disrespectful (to me, or to other people) isn’t really that. Once my son realizes he’s been hurtful or made others unhappy, he feels sorry too and can apologise too. He doesn’t mean to hurt anyone

3. Parents try hard to teach their child and believe me the child would try equally hard to learn and change.
Parents need to make schedules and checklists to try to keep things on track. A disciplined schedule,a set of role-play can teach ways to him to could handle day to day life differently. The ADHD child has to work a little harder every day to keep himself focussed both in school and at home .Believe me it can be very challenging.

4.It is not easy for a parent to put a young child on medication and counseling but for child’s own benefit I have done that too and would advise all those with an ADHD child to evaluate the option.It will be in the long run a completely helpful step.

5. People should look into him beyond the child’s sickness. The child will have many other talents to exhibit and develop his personality only if we don’t simply make him a subject of ridicule and anger all the time.