July 25, 2012 by Ramneek Kapoor
“Everest is not a mountain you climb in a day” said Krushna Patil second youngest Indian woman who had summitted the highest peak. She had said this in her interview to HT. And we got to trust and believe her because she has achieved what many cannot even dream of. Similar sentiments can be echoed for any other project that we want to achieve in our life. Our dreams and desires, our aspirations and ambitions can be achieved provided we know what we want and how do we approach life to go for it. It may not happen in a day certainly but if and when we are able to achieve this, it will give us a great high as it must have given to Krushna when she had summitted the peak for the first time.
It is an agreed fact that a positive and objective mind set is the prerequisite to high achievements in life but besides the positivity of the mind it is also the preparation of the spirit and body to put in our best of toil, sweat and tears in the achievement of any task that we set out to do for ourselves in our lives.
They say that Rome was not built in a day but they should also say that Rome was built by intelligent planning and foresight, by deploying men and material who had toiled for years together to build a town we commemorate as Rome today. The beauty of Rome obviously attracts all of the mankind today also to utter such epithets for its praise.
I am tempted here to borrow another sentence from the article of Colleen Braganza (the article appeared in Hindustan Times June14, 2009) where the author writes about the summiteers of the Mount Everest,” You do not conquer Mount Everest .The mountain allows you to climb her “. Life too allows us to live it the way we want to live. A good, healthy, peaceful life full of happiness and mirth for all. However as the mountain does not allow any climber to take to it lightly, same way the life expects some seriousness from us . The mountain wants climbers to have respect for its highs and lows, the peaks and slopes and walk over them with a climbers’ discipline; same way life too tells us to develop a healthy attitude towards the ups and downs, the stills and the movements that our day to day living brings into our folds. It wants us to adopt a salubrious attitude that displays neither overt exhilaration nor jubilation over the minor achievements nor a depressing passivity and submission to the major upheavals. The life will then expect us to get into the nascent hope of climbing yet another of its peak after coming out of the previous palate of high or low served by it to us on the platter. The climbers many a times have to strategically assess their position on way to the peak of the mountain and decide whether to stay put at one place , to move forward, or even take a step backward to let the weather clear up before they start climbing again . The same way we too have to devise our strategies to meet our career and life’s ambitions. Moving forward appears good and keeps everyone associated with us happy except possibly our healthy rivals. But it is always the stagnation or the need to take a step backward that causes ripples into the society in which we live and spend our 24 hours every day. It could either have raised eyebrows or the depressive sounds of false sympathy.
But the warriors of life and the climbers of the peaks should not pay heed to such sounds and ripples. They should rather rededicate themselves to the task of building up bridges and tunnels again to clear up their road to success and glory that life allows them to achieve .And to do that we will have to first of all take out the fear of losing out. We must not allow our minds to get colored by the elephis of suspicions and doubts on our own capabilities .We must clear all kinds of cobwebs of non achievements from our mindsets by believing that we and only we are capable of bringing magnificence and greatness back into our lives by the solemn commitment to build up our lives again.
Posted in daily writings and musings of the psychologist | Tagged : ambitions, aspirations, climb, climber, committment, conquer, depression, dreams, Everest, healthy attitude, lows, magnificence, mountain, objectivity, peak, peaks and slopes, positive mindset, project, recession, Rome, sentiments, stagnation, strategies, upheavals, warriors | Leave a Comment »
July 25, 2012 by Ramneek Kapoor
People who have achieved success in life have always expressed their gratitude to the ones who have been helpful in their journey to success. These people do not forget to thank their God, their good luck and their families and friends. for otherwise how and who will relish their success if not their family, friends and colleagues. Successful people approach life with a sense of gratitude and they make theirs as well as the life of their friends wonderful .The success that .has been acknowledged with gratitude will always attract more success because positivity will bring in more positivity with additional goodies to share with others and make their life positive too.
Any success without gratitude will always be very short lived because others will not be a party to it and on the contrary their jealousy and rivalry will become the cause of negative anxiety. The success that is accompanied by anxiety can never be enjoyed in its true value. The success will not be enjoyable and the failure will cause a very bitter attitude .
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July 5, 2012 by Ramneek Kapoor
Practically there is no one who has not been hit hard by the recession. Its vagaries can be seen from the dwindling crowds on the shop floors of shopping malls, to the shortening of the queues on the airlines check-in counters, to the shrinking of the kitchen and household shopping of many families on account of their reduced incomes. The economies of not only the businesses but even the common families have gone hay wire. The salary slips suddenly vanishing lead to bank balances and savings vanishing in no time , but giving in to the pressures and adopting a passive attitude can further aggravate the problem and one can get into depression. So what do we do ? Many of us will obviously pose this question .
The best thing that we can do is to take it in the correct perspective that it is time to either upgrade or to diversify our skills . There must be many things we had not done in life before but have always talked about doing , to our friends and families. It could be expanding on some hobby, taking to some other profession related to our skills or it could be even upgrading our academics . But that can be organised only if we remain positive and objective in our approach towards every thing in our life.
I have always spoken about getting into teaching in a business school to my family and friends during my long career of 28 years in marketing. Yet I did not have the courage to quit the well heeled and oiled job.Though I had been adding my own bit to the education field by writing seven books on Marketing and getting them published by the best publishers of the world , as a hobby . All this had been done during my tenure as a corporate manager. I had also picked up an additional degree in management almost ten years ago more to satisfy my curiosity about new concepts in management rather than anything else.
Recently when I had faced challenges in my corporate career, I looked at this juncture in my life as a God sent opportunity to convert my talks into practical action. I had prepared myself to take life head on and fight back the negativity of a depressing recession. The first thing that I have done is to adopt a positive attitude. This positive attitude is all prevading . I do not allow my family also to get into any kind of negative reminiscensing of the life that we have just had and left behind. The result is that I have got a great opening for myself into a profession that I had always wanted to get into i.e. teaching in a good business school. I also have another book of mine ready for release withing a week or so. It is obvious life has turned better once again. It is definitely the positive thinking that has activated the law of attraction in my life. I wish all of us get inot the positive thinking and attract the best things of our choice into our lives.
Think positive , get up and get going is all I can wish all my friends . Believe me that every good thing that you have ever wanted will start materialising the moment you turn positive. Just get going.
Posted in daily writings and musings of the psychologist | Tagged academics, book, business school, concepts in management, correct perspective, crowds, depression, economies, hobby, law of attraction, objectivity | Leave a Comment »
June 30, 2012 by Ramneek Kapoor
Mankind has always courageously and fearlessly faced all kinds of extremities, annihilation, natural calamities and man-made disasters. Many a civilizations have gone down the mounds of earth or into the annals of fire on account of atrocities committed by one tribe over the other. Many a nations have been virtually eliminated from the surface of this earth by the cruel hands of time. Yet man has existed and grown from the pre-stone age to the modern jet age due to his resilience, the stronger willpower, steely determination and the fortitude to get back yet stronger and more powerful. The human minds have been made all the more potent and effective by each stroke of adversity. In this entire game of playing hide and seek with death and destruction man has never stopped empowering himself with the inbuilt armament of resolve and tenacity. The recent upheavals of financial misfortune are nothing when we all think of the wealth each nation possesses today. We today have in abundance the wealth of young and inquisitive minds, the wealth of shared knowledge and the wealth of international cooperation in construction and rebuilding of the disintegrating institutions. What we need to have is the faith in humanity, the love for individual and the respect for human capacity to put back in place the lost kingdoms.
I am reminded of a small incident of my early childhood days when we used to live in houses with lots of half open ventilators in each room. Young birds and sparrows will find it very convenient to build their nests in small nooks and corners of the rooms in our home flying in and out of the half open ventilators. Their chirping and singing the bird tunes always sounded like a sweet music to our adolescent ears. But these birds were also creating a nuisance for our mother who used to be very meticulous and fastidious in maintaining cleanliness all around the house. Each season it used to be a constant fight ensuing between the young birds and our mother. Our mother will direct the servants almost once a week to throw away many kind of tidbits, the cloth cuttings, the broomsticks and the small paper shreds that the birds would collect to build their nests behind the curtain rods, the ceiling fans’ canopies and the top of the wooden cupboards. The poor birds will look at my mother and her retinue of servants pitiably and sadly asking for some kind of mercy to spare their small worlds so that they could lay their eggs and bring into this world their inheritors. But to no avail. Does that mean that the birds will fly away? No way, these birds will stay put in our house and with a re-determination will begin bringing in more material discarded by the denizens of the man’s land to build with it their nests again. Within a few hours, next morning these birds would build their shell again and look chidingly at our mother. Eventually mother had to give in and allow them to stay in there till their youngest ones were hatched out of the eggs and had grown strong enough to fly out of the windows. She would in due course start the same exercise all over again with other pairs of birds the next season.
But what message my immature mind could understand and imbibe was that a small frail bird had more firmness, persistence and tenacity than many of the humans. It did not get discouraged. It would not get disheartened and depressed even when her or his entire world had been destroyed. It would simply get up and get going without giving the catastrophe a second thought, because it knew that the life is too short and beautiful to be allowed to be destroyed in dismay and despair. One must just get up and get going …………..
Posted in daily writings and musings of the psychologist | Tagged annals of fire, atrocities, bank failures, birds, civilizations, death and destruction, depression, disintegrating, downturn, empowerment, financial institutes, financial misfortunes, houses, jet age, motivating, pristine, rebuilding, recession, reconstructing, resolve, short and beautiful, tenacity, time, wealth, willpower, young birds | Leave a Comment »
June 20, 2012 by Ramneek Kapoor
Do we really remember how often had we fallen when we learnt to crawl, walk and then run in our childhood? Most probably not because we had all along been focusing on the organic growth of our lives when we moved from infancy to childhood to young age. Each time we would fall while learning to pedal a bicycle, we would come back with a determination to succeed this time and eventually we learnt the tricks. Remember we would then enjoy the same trick of pedaling our tiny bicycles with both our hands free from the handles of the bicycle. But what kept us going after each fall was the encouragement we would get from the protective hands of our parents or elder brothers and sisters . Their pepping up always encouraged us to do better.
We now wonder as to where has this pep talk that could tell us to get up and get going vanished . Believe me it has not vanished anywhere. It exists today also . Possibly today it can be seen in the eyes of our young sons and daughters. Just look into their eyes and onto their confident faces when they see their parents fighting out the challenges of life with yet another strong determined mindset and bounce back after having had a set back in life. The support system of doing better once again can be found in the comforting words and gestures of the life partners and good friends when they tell you to forget the vagaries of life and try an alternative route that could take you to greater glory of success.
I once saw a convoy of ants moving in a very disciplined manner in a straight line to their hive. The ants were lead by the leader of the pack and they were all running to reach the comfort of their hive after a day’s hard work . They were clutching small tit bits into their tiny mouths, to be hidden away from the other predators. Out of sheer curiosity and to check whether I could disturb and dissuade the disciplined run of ants’ convoy I just sprinkled a few drops of water on the floor . I had expected ants to give up going in the direction that they had been following.I was sure they would now get lost as the straight line that they had been following behind each other had been disturbed. But to my utter dismay all the ants instead of getting lost or dissuaded from their path became more determined to reach their destination. They would just take a detour away from the wet patch on the floor and rejoin their companions who had moved ahead of them . A few of the ants even climbed the wall high up to avoid the water thrown by me on their route and after covering a good height will climb down to join the straight line of their friends moving forward.
Life beckons us to move ahead in the same way. Come highs or come lows the route to glory should never be abandoned .We must find a detour every time we come across the obstacles and continue our journey to the destination. There are enough support systems available who tell us to get up once again and get going. The caring hands of God the Almighty are always with us to protect us from any fall that we might comprehend or be apprehensive of. Let us just get up and get going. Success is just round the corner……..may be just a step ahead.
Posted in daily writings and musings of the psychologist | Tagged determination, encouragement, mind training, motivation, objectivity, pep-talk, positivist, trial and error | Leave a Comment »
May 30, 2012 by Ramneek Kapoor
Many a times, life becomes a difficult hill to climb. It poses so many uphill climbs and downhill slides full of rocks, pebbles and stones that the mind gets boggled and goes numb. But then the same life also presents the challenges that men and women will love to surmount. Has the mankind not been pleased by defeating any and every obstacle that comes in its way to the progress of life. Can we imagine for a minute the sense of achievement and the heavenly bliss and the excitement Sherpa Tenzing and Edmund Hillary must have experienced when they had hoisted the national flags of their respective countries after having reached the top of the Mount Everest? Did they for a minute ignore the obstacles and the difficulties they had faced while climbing .or for that matter does Bachhendri Pal not remember the avalanches and the snow storms when she dares to conquer the mountains again. I am sure she must be remembering all the tough times, the turbulent weather and the impediments, the life threatening moments and the life saving graces while climbing those daunting mountains again And again. It is the thrill of overcoming the difficulties and the obstructions
But how many of us can look at life as a challenge and take a vow every time we go downhill to bounce back again. We mortals get overawed and deterred by the insignificant obstacles conjured and made big by our fearful minds. We do not try with full faith in ourselves and complete trust in God almighty, because of the negativity controlling our minds. The negativity forces us to negate our own powers, our own objectivity and positivity. The result is that we concede and give in even before the skies above could give us the results of our sincere efforts. Just think of those Olympians who having lost the chance to win a gold medal in one Olympics , do not give up but continue with their practice for next four years with the hopes and determination that next time they will make it.
These truths are not mere stories to motivate but experiences to be shared with men and women to tell them that you still can do it. Just get up and get moving the mountain top waits for you .
Posted in daily writings and musings of the psychologist | Tagged Bachhendri pal, bravery, challanges, courage, difficulties, edmund, getgoing, getup, Hillary, hope and determination, impediments, leadership, life, motivation, mount everest, mountain, olympics, players, Tenzing | Leave a Comment »
April 27, 2012 by Ramneek Kapoor
Some more secrets:
10.A soft loving touch can really have long lasting impact on the couples tender feelings towards each other. A gentle caress on your spouse’s hand, or pecking lovingly on the cheek or hand while driving, rubbing shoulders sitting next to each other are some of the gestures that can convey the feelings of love ,affection and care for each other.
11. Appreciation and positive compliments have always been welcome by humans in all ages. Paying compliments on the efforts made by your partner to prepare a good breakfast or a good lunch, complementary nods and smiles on something your spouse is wearing go a long way in establishing better understandings and relationships.
12. Keep the communication going at all times . The busy job schedules not withstanding , let your partner know that you always care and think of her or him.Call from the office desk and text once in a while to share a story you thought was interesting or whispering just plain endearing nothings will do the trick.
13. let your spouse understand and feel great about the fact that you value him or her and that that if you had to do it allover again, you’d choose him or her as a partner all over again.
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April 6, 2012 by Ramneek Kapoor
Some more secrets to keep your marriage……………
1. A spouse will often get angry if the other partner expressed doubt on the decision taken by the other partner. We will advise you to go with your partner’s decision and confidence in one of your spouse’s decisions at the first instance. The decision can be subjected to some discussion though at a later stage if need be .
2. Newly married couples often share food from the same plate when they are invited to family and other public functions during the initial days of the marital bliss. But the love tends to wane after a few weeks or may be months. Couples should make efforts to always share a dessert with one spoon or a fork so that the sweetness of the dish passes on the moods too.
3. Remember how you used to woo her or him with the favorite tune and the song. Pick up that tune again during romantic moments and sing to her/ him the same “our song” whenever and wherever you can. Do not feel inhibited ever . Call your spouse on his cell phone in the office and sing it to her or him. .
4. How long has it been when you had been to the office/workplace of your partner. Surprise your partner one of these days. Visit your partner at his or her office and get out for a quick bite around the corner coffee shop and don’t forget to give a peck on the cheek or a brushing kiss when you depart.
5. The touch therapy works wonders. Play footsie while watching television or when you sit together post dinner and have itsy bitsy discussions.
6. Bring about some humor in your companionship. The partners sharing and laughing together present a perfect couple picture. Sharing jokes, little idiosyncrasies , and mirth and merry should come into usual habit naturally.
7. When both partners work the office and the job related anxiety aggravates at home. This can be brought down by asking the partner, ” how was your day “… and do not pretend but actually listen and show real concern.
8.The early morning touch acts as the mood elevator. A hug and a kiss given to the spouse upon waking just does that.
9.Caressing and light massage before sleeping will work as the soother to any tensions of the entire day . Just do that to your partner before you kiss the good night to each other..
Posted in daily writings and musings of the psychologist | Tagged companionship, kiss, lovers, mood elevators, newly married couples, psychologicval counselling, secrets, successful marriage | Leave a Comment »
April 5, 2012 by Ramneek Kapoor
A good happy marriage calls for companionship of the mind and the matter . But many a times the companionship of the mind plays larger role as compared to the companionship of the matter. It is always the mind and the soul that will keep your marriage young thriving and throbbing no matter how long and how far have you been staying away from your companion. In this age of career building by both the male and the female partners to the merriment ,distance marriages many times become compulsion rather than a choice.When a partner lives apart or moves away temporarily it is the mind that will keep on reminding you of the physical matter of the companionship and keep the memories of the time spent together alive and make you pine for the next opportunity that will bring you closer to the partner again.
We have often heard couples talking about the waning of the inteterst in marriage and of the fact that the caring of each in the marriage no longer seems to be of so much importance any more. Many couples suffer in silence wondering if the other partner has been seeing someone else or if they no longer attract each other. If such be the case with you too then it is time you learn some of the secrets to keep your marriage thriving and throbbing …..
1. The secret of the communication of the mind and the matter :The mind will respond only when the matter is felt ,touched and is absorbed by the mind as a pleasant and lasting memory. It is important each times the couples meet that they should make it a special occasion to touch and talk .The physical touch charges the sensual cords leading to the charging of the emotional cords by the lovey dovey talks .The couple must talk and interact with each other on matters that are non controversial for them both and the loving gesture of physically touching each other will add to the necessary romantic touch of their desire for each other . Some couples are resistant to the communication of the mind and the matter when they do not want to exhibit their fondness for each other. They believe that the touch will eventually lead to the bigger acts of love making etc and that once they touch they will lose focus on the actual points of discussion. Nothing is far from the truth . The touch will actually bring about the focus on what the other person is saying and will be a way of showing and showering affections for each other .
The couples must make it a habit to talk and touch whenever they hold discussions in their privacy . Partners that speak of distraction in their marriage usually say that they have nothing common to talk about . That they find their other partner too does not speak much about to them. Such aloofness and the act of not opening to each other creates uncalled for fears, leading to anxiety and sense of loneliness in marriage. The couples can have many things to talk about.
- You can talk to each other about each other’s aspirations.
- You can talk to each other about the best things that you like about your partner .
- You can talk to each other about your fears.
- You can share a joke that the neighbors, the office mates or children have shared with you
- You can talk about the interesting piece of writing you just read on the internet.
- You can speak about the interesting recipe that you have learnt and are going to try it out on the next weekend .
The partners must share such things in the morning while sharing bed tea or on the breakfast table before they leave for their works. They can speak to each other in the middle of the day over the phone or over the web chat to keep the memories of the morning touch and talk alive, and throbbing.
That will show the partners that each one cares for the other and yearn for him or her.
while some people feel that they need to open more and talk whereas some partner could be of the opinion and the habit of not talking much . this can make the other partner feel he or she is not getting enough attention from the other. That is the reason that couples need to not only talk more but also need to touch more.
You must reach out and touch your partner in many different ways to feel the romanticism of a young married life .
- Begin the day with a warm kiss or a gentle rub.
- Stroke the partner’s cheek or play with the hair .
- A momentary touch can bring about the positive energy in the relationship and the feeling of gentle touch lingers on through the day .
- When couples touch each others shoulders, or stroke their cheek, the magical moment will get them connected to each other . The relationship will sparkle and bring about a feeling of love and affection overpowering any negativity that the couple might have had .
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Posted in daily writings and musings of the psychologist | Tagged common marital problems, couple, happy marriage, marital bliss, marriage counseling, marrige, teh communication of the mind and the matter, the secrets of happy married life | Leave a Comment »
March 27, 2012 by Ramneek Kapoor
The concentration skills are important in life . Whatever the station or the station , concentration and focus will be needed to understand, comprehend and take a decision. Parents of young children and often working adults themselves have been seeking our guidance on developing the concentration and focus in their efforts. We give some of the tips that can help develop better concentration to people ion all stations in life.
1. Prioritize your work :It helps when the priorities of the work can be done based on its urgency and priority in life. the ABC analysis of the jobs to be done by oyu in a day’s time will help you set your priorities.
2. Pick up all those works that you have assigned category A works as they will need your immediate and full attention. Next in the priority will be category B works that will need full concentration and will have to be handled with not so much urgency.
3. Handle one thing at a time:the concentration builds up by handling one thing at a time . Thus giving complete undivided attention to the job in hand . Multitasking (doing many things simultaneously) causes distraction .
4. Doing the same thing as if everything depends on it :Call for and look at all details in totality so that no repetitions of the exercise are called for later. Do not miss any thing.Observe all details as if you are gaining new insights during the first time itself .
5. A few minutes more rule :Whenever you feel like quitting in the middle of a task – just say a few more minutes and work a couple of minutes more. This strategy will ,help expand and stretch the working mind and build up mental endurance. remember how sports persons build up their stamina and mental endurance when their muscles and body wants them to quit due to tiredness.
6. Writing down :use pen and paper to note down any deviations that come to mind promising yourself to take up these deviations later during your free times.
7. Reward yourself: small rewards matter. promise your self a good treat after you finish the task in hand. The reward can be anything that makes you happy and relaxed – like having your favorite food,going out for a walk, meeting your best friend etc.
8. Be project specific :Before you start any work, be clear in your mind about the objective to be achieved by you. Be as precise as possible .the next assignment should be handled after the one in hand has been completed satisfactorily .
9.Use a concentration score sheet:Each time you find your mind wandering, make a check mark on the score sheet. doing this on consistent basis, will help reduce s distraction and increase concentration.
10. Break task into smaller parts:Breaking a greater task into smaller parts will make it seem less overbearing and help you look at it with more positive mindset .
11. Concentration exercises:Concentration exercises help in training your mind to concentrate more and for longer periods of time.
Posted in daily writings and musings of the psychologist | Tagged attention, concentration, focus, mind training, psychological counseling | Leave a Comment »
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