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Posts Tagged ‘dreams’

emotional intelligenceWhen we achieve balance of emotions in our day to day life , we get a sense of self  mastery and well being. But instead of managing balance of emotions we tend to get swayed by  the event. We brood over the event and the person that has stirred the emotional upheaval and bring about the imbalanced attitude of negative emotions.

Emotional balance on the other hand would mean giving ourselves the necessary   preference, importance, care , nurturing and intelligence to conduct our life in such a way that it should offset the negative tilt and bring about the positive uplift within our mind and heart .We are designed to live in a healthy combination of emotional balance and wisdom. But we get carried away as we mentioned above.

Emotional balance would not mean controlling emotions . We can not mute our emotion by the use of any remote device , nor can we make them very loud. Life in both cases will become very bland and uninteresting . What if we keep on saying all the time that, ” I am very sad today”, or we just brood over the event and present a sad face. Similarly living in one emotion always is not desirable. Can we always be happy, buoyant and celebratory all the times ? if not then why should we remain sad, anxious , melancholic and stressed all the times. Such downs and ups of the moods and emotions add spice and entertainment to our life.The Downs present us with the challenges and Up would always make us happy. But the Ups too present to us the challenge  for not going overboard.

We do not need to avoid the unpleasant feelings, relations, events or places . On the contrary feel empowered to balance the negative with the positive of life, by looking at and perceiving all aspects of life.  Most of the times we get overpowered by the negative emotion and get stuck with that. Such negatives take over our life in the morning itself and we continue with it through most of the day.

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Balancing emotions must remain a consistent , constant, factor of our life. We must keep balancing with different moods in the day. All free time available should be utilized for balancing. Think  of the good times that you have had, the good things of life , the good events that you had participated in , to offbeat the bad happenings. Learn to soothe your mood by treating your self nicely, differently and importantly .Give importance to yourself .Have a say in how long you will stay in bad mood. Thereafter shift your focus , hit upon the new entertainment, the new treatment of self. The intensity of the bad emotion and the bad mood will come down.

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Chronic pain, chronic bad mood , chronic losing yourself into  bad emotions should be broken by intermittent good mood. Bad mood can be balanced by small wins of good mood . Before we get into clinical or manic depression , balancing emotions with small good treats, small wins will prevent the coming of the anxiety, stress, fear, and subsequent depression.

Ramneek kapoor,Clinical Psychologist and family Therapist,Science of living ,Preksha Meditation expert.\

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Inertia – the route to killing self

I am tempted to quote verbatim the comments made by one of my blog readers

Plans are nice to read, but difficult to get done. World is not so smooth place to live-in; external factors are always there to crumble your internal wishes! Particularly in this materialistic world, financial hurdles don’t allow common people (like me) to achieve our dreams. One may say, we have no guts to achieve what we dream. But at the end of the day, when I think of spending sometime in blogging or reading an interesting book a sense of job insecurity creeps into my mind spoiling all other interest” .

Death of human physical being is certain. It has its fixed time, place and the manner. It can come through accident, disease, destruction and even destiny. But many a times we tend to invite an untimely blow of sudden death to our souls and inner selves. That happens when we stop growing instead we start the downward spiral of mental de- growth.  We lose not only interest in every thing around us but we also end up distancing ourselves from our desired for and intended goals in our life. This may happen because we have lost interest in surroundings around us or it may happen since we are tempted to opt for the security of our cushy jobs and the perks attached to it. But the worst situation comes when we do no take any initiative because of the fear of the unknown. A look at the reasons for inactivity and its systems will help here to understand our very own personalities and the   gimmicks we indulge into to accept the death of intellect for future growth.

Our inertia causes downward growth when we:

  • Leave decisions of our life to others
  • Always complain about the lack of time
  • Always complain about lack of resources
  • Always complain about lack of opportunities
  • Get irritated for non achievements
  • Can not find any topic of interest to discuss with friends/ family
  • Simply talk of doing great things
  • Sleep either more or less than necessary
  • Avoid career discussions

The way to self realization is replete with many challenges and rewards. Challenges to understand and synergize our strengths and weakness to either thwart the threats and or also to en-cash and en-value the opportunities. This can come only when we make all efforts to take out some time for our own self development.

I am reminded of the famous words of Dov Frohman when he says “every leader should routinely keep a substantial portion of his or her time—I would say as much as 50 percent—unscheduled. … Only when you have substantial ’slop’ in your schedule—unscheduled time—will you have the space to reflect on what you are doing, learn from experience, and recover from your inevitable mistakes. Leaders without such free time end up tackling issues only when there is an immediate or visible problem”.

We get stuck up in the rut of ordinary routine when we refuse to take out time for ourselves. We must take out time to reflect and think as to which way we can improve our lives, our mental ability, our leadership qualities, our positive yet differentiating strengths to keep us ahead from the others in the race to self realization. Every day at the end of the day we must reflect as to what happened during the course of the day. We must examine in the process whether the experience has been a positive gain or a negative abrasion. Such critical analysis of experiencing will make us imbibe the positive within us for future enjoyments and the negatives will either be left behind or accumulated for   future corrections.

Only a very conscious effort made to learn from our experiences and mistakes can open the path  to the progress and make us effective leaders. Let us begin this today itself  by asking ourselves very basic and simple questions:

  • What was my today intended for?
  • Did I do what I had planned?
  • Did I achieve what was I trying to achieve?
  • What had contributed to this achievement?
  • What could I not achieve and why?
  • Is the non achievement any way affecting my life’s long term plans?
  • In what way is my non achievement affecting others?
  • What can be the long term / short term affects (positive or negative) for me and others?
  • Can I do the same thing differently next time?
  • Can I do any thing to improve upon whatever I did today?
  • Can I make my family, colleagues, co-workers, friends, partners in this route to improvement?

Our introspective reflections will bring forth the positive thoughts amongst others too, whose opinions do count for us and who can be instrumentals/ motivators in helping us get up and get going in a more constructive approach for future accomplishment.

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“Everest is not a mountain you climb in a day” said Krushna Patil second youngest Indian woman who had summitted the highest peak. She had said this   in her interview to HT. And we got to trust and believe her because she has achieved what many cannot even dream of. Similar sentiments can be echoed for any other project that we want to achieve in our life.  Our dreams and desires, our aspirations and ambitions can be achieved provided we know what we want and how do we approach life to go for it. It may not happen in a day certainly but if and when we are able to achieve this, it will give us a great high as it must have given to Krushna when she had summitted the peak for the first time.

It is an agreed fact that a positive and objective mind set is the prerequisite to high achievements in life but besides the positivity of the mind it is also the preparation of the spirit and body to put in our best of toil, sweat and tears in the achievement of any task that we set out to do for ourselves in our lives.

They say that Rome was not built in a day but they should also say that Rome was built by intelligent planning and foresight, by deploying men and material who had toiled for years together to build a town we commemorate as Rome today. The beauty of Rome obviously attracts all of the mankind today also to utter such epithets for its praise.

I am tempted here to borrow another sentence from the article of Colleen Braganza (the article appeared in Hindustan Times June14, 2009) where the author writes about the summiteers of the Mount Everest,” You do not conquer Mount Everest .The mountain allows you to climb her “. Life too allows us to live it the way we want to live. A good, healthy, peaceful life full of happiness and mirth for all. However as the mountain does not allow any climber   to take to it lightly, same way the life expects some seriousness from us . The mountain wants climbers to have respect for its highs and lows, the peaks and slopes and walk over them with a climbers’ discipline; same way life too tells us to develop a healthy attitude towards the ups and downs, the stills and the   movements that our day to day living brings into our folds. It wants us to adopt a   salubrious attitude that displays neither overt exhilaration nor jubilation over the minor achievements nor a depressing passivity and submission to the major upheavals. The life will then expect us to get into the nascent hope of climbing yet another of its peak after coming out of the previous palate of high or low served by it to us on the platter. The climbers many a times have to strategically assess their position on  way to the peak of the mountain and decide whether to stay put at one place , to move forward, or even take a step backward to let the weather clear up before they start climbing again . The same way   we too have to devise our strategies to meet our career and life’s ambitions. Moving forward appears   good and keeps everyone associated with us happy except possibly our healthy rivals. But it is always the stagnation or the need to take a step backward that causes ripples into the society in which we live and spend our 24 hours every day. It could either have raised eyebrows or the depressive sounds of false sympathy.

But the warriors of life and the climbers of the peaks should not pay heed to such sounds and ripples. They should rather rededicate themselves to the task of building up bridges and tunnels again to clear up their road to success and glory that life allows them to achieve .And to do   that we will have to first of all take out the fear of losing out. We must not allow our minds to get colored by the elephis of suspicions and doubts on our own capabilities .We must  clear all kinds of cobwebs of non achievements from our mindsets by believing that we and only we are capable of bringing  magnificence and greatness back into our lives by the solemn commitment to build up our lives again.

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