Posts Tagged ‘fears’

mother seeing child offMrs Sharma sounded  worried when  she handed over the school bag of her daughter to bus attendant, “Please tell the driver not to drive too fast. He fetches  small children, They can fall off their seats “. The bus attendant just nodded her head in affirmation. Not satisfied with just a nod, Mrs Sharma moved to the front of the bus .”Please drive slow and take care of our children” she had told the driver. The driver  too nodded his head. Mrs Sharma waited for the bus to move. She kick started her scooter . She paused for a moment and then turned her scooter towards the direction in which the bus had been going. She followed the bus at a safe distance and eventually having seen the bus safely getting into the school gate, she turned back . Such melodrama has been going on with Mrs Sharma for over a month now.

The matter  came to the notice of the family one day when Mr Sharma had gone to the bus stop to see his daughter off to school. The attendant  told him, “please tell Mrs Sharma not to follow the bus till the school gate.We are equally concerned of the safety of the school kids we fetch to the school .The school driver is a very experienced man and he drives very carefully.He has a very clean service record” .

six years oldJulie is only six years old .She studies in the neighborhood kindergarten school. She had been fine all this while and used to be very eager to go to school every morning .Last week  suddenly out of the blue she complained of stomach ache and refused to go to school. Her mother had taken her to the pediatrician who found nothing wrong with the child . The child had been  referred to the school counselor. A few sessions with the parents, the child and the class teacher  revealed, the  child has been always worried about her mother being alone at home  and this worry always prevailed upon her mind.

Just as the mind of the young child Julie created the drama of her mother being  unsafe at home, the same way worry can play havoc with the mind of the adults too. Worrying excessively can bring into mind series of fears , apprehensions, dark imaginations of the concerns about the safety  of  person and his or her near and dear one’s .

Worry is fine so long as we just reflect constructively and think about the situation or the problem to find out our next course of the action. But when the worry becomes constant fear and apprehension, it turns into  the chronic emotional disturbance  , with the mind being hijacked all the times into apprehended dangers which in reality may never occur. The hijacking of the mind brings with it the chronic anxiety, phobic  thoughts and the loss of reason .The person so affected exhibits obsessive compulsions, generalized anxiety into every situation, panics over trivial matters , fears of  getting cheated, robbed, being abandoned by the near and dear ones and of dying .Some of the affected even begin worrying about the worry that they carry in their mind.

worried womanMrs Narwhal   was so much worried of getting affected  by the germs  or carrying the germs  back home  that she would hang an  extra set of clothes in  her  toilet in advance , which  she wanted   to wear  the moment she would get back home from her trip outside. Every time she had come back to her  house, she would first  get into the bath to wash  her clothes, bathe herself  in order to cleanse herself of all the  germs that she thought she might have brought with her from outside. She would feel completely relieved once having done this ritual .But it is obvious, such a ritual can be  a great pain to other members of her family  as the rule of changing into the fresh clothes after returning from outside and of washing the  clothes that had been worn for going outside immediately on return from outside  played havoc with the peace of the family . Any kind of advise to Mrs Narwhal to stop worrying created further problems as she would  avoid such person who would advise her to not to worry .

Such worries form a part of the depression syndrome  . They bring about with them ,   breathlessness, the faster  heart beats,sweaty perspiration,  choking , suppression of the mind, the feeling of the distress, ,and the  lack of focus , attention and sleep .Such chronic worry  needs to be treated with psychotherapy,  Cognitive therapy , holistic therapy and  even by way of the perceptive meditation to bring about a complete change in the thinking and perceptions of the affected individual.

-Ramneek Kapoor – Family Therapist, Psychologist Counselor and Science of Living Expert.

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In my last write up   I had made a reference to presence of Elphi in our heart and mind that prevent us from shedding the fears inherited by our past misfortunes and negative experiences. The fear of losing gets steeped into our inner psyche and inhibits us from acting boldly. I had actually met Elphi in my city while it was walking on the roads. The huge pachyderm with its massive built and bulk had been ridden by a frail and emaciated looking mahout, who would once in a while poke the animal with his ankus as he prodded him to behave in the midst of chaotic traffic on the road.

More recently, these same methods were also witnessed by me in a circus where the trainer had  traumatized the captured  big wild predator lion  to perform certain acts, which otherwise this Panthera Leo would have made a man to perform before it actually ate him up. Any how we were discussing about the Elphi, our dear friend and representative of the great lord. My animal lovers’ instinct told me to speak to Elphi and ask him as to what he had been doing in a town and why he was  not in a jungle uprooting  trees with his trunk or getting into any other kind of elephantine game to entertain himself because that is what a young elephant is  supposed to do .

The massive mammal   stopped by for a while, looked at me as if he had been sizing me up and then he glanced at the mahout who had been riding him. The elephant assured that the mahout did not have the ankus in his hands, spoke in a conspiratorial tone to me, “you seem to be a man with a very low wisdom.  Do you not see that this man who is sitting on top of me carries a weapon that is mighty powerful than my entire bulk. Will he not kill me if I try to save myself and run away to jungle? Please do not ask me to do anything that could be detrimental to my health”.

“But you are so powerful, strongly built and muscular looking. This man who is riding you is only a small creature. you can throw him off your  back with one little push of your trunk and may be crush him if he tries to stop you from running away to the jungle”‘, I had told the elephant while at the same time I had been motivating him to get free from the slavery of labor and toil in the town. I had wanted him to regain his lost freedom and respectability. The elephant who had been behaving in a very   meek fashion under the mahout looked at me very apologetically as if he had been trying to feel sorry for his own condition.

“You can share your story with me if you want to”, I told him, and “it is possible I may be able to help you”.

“Well if you are keen to “, said the elephant to me, “but you will have to crawl along with me through this grueling traffic.  I find it difficult to raise my voice for the fear of the punishment that will be awarded to me for blowing my natural trumpet in this town inhabited by humans”.

“Of course I will walk along “, I encouraged him.

“you see when I was a very small and innocent baby elephant I used to be a free bird oops sorry ….a free elephant like any other of my brethren in a jungle. I used to enjoy my pranks and baby elephant games with mud and water. I would sprinkle water over my body and then lie down into mud to again cover myself with dust so that my mother could shower more water on me with her trunk. I just loved all such mischiefs as it gave me a chance to listen to sweet admonishments of my elephant parents. But life had not been such kind to me for long. One day    some friends of this mahout had come to jungle hunting for the ivory teeth and trunks of elephants. They killed lots of my relatives to gather huge catch of ivory and elephant bones.  I really do not know why you humans like the bones and teeth of dead animals. Any how I really never will never understand. Perhaps someday my bones will also be  ……” he left the sentence midway.

“but we were discussing about your parents “, I had wanted him to continue.

“Yes, yes, let me speak”, “My parents were also amongst those killed by the gun tottering friends of this mahout. My life however had been spared by them as I did not carry enough bones in my body and teeth in my mouth. They just bundled me into a van, after they had put me into strong iron chains, and brought me to your town. Thereafter whenever I had raised my trumpet to tell them that I wanted to go back to, my own home in the forest, they would beat me with this ankus on my forehead. This thing really hurts. Even the thought reminds me of the pain that this ankus can inflict. In addition the iron fetters that these people had tied to my tiny elephantine feet would hurt me whenever I had tried to free myself from the pole to which I had been secured.

‘Yes that happened when you were very young. Today when you have grown so big and you have a massive body and built, you can certainly get yourself freed from this slavery and go back to the place where you belong”, I talked to him in a very sympathetic mode.

“My friends from jungle also say so. But you have to understand that the fear of the ankus and the iron fetters hurting my ankles   had settled deep into my heart and mind during my childhood days. The horror so settled in my brain has altered my very basic personality. I am no more an elephant even though I do look like one to you.  I am happy with the state in which I had been forced to live from my enslaved childhood. Please do not disturb me any further ‘, Elphi had been trying to hide his tears of pain and sufferings.

“But let me share a secret with you”, he brought his trunk closer to my ears, as if he did not want anyone else to become privy to this secret. “I am not alone in this town. I find many of my creeds living into the very heart and minds of all the human beings in this town”.

“Well but that is impossible. I do not see any other of your creed in here and then how is it possible that such enormous living beings can get into the hearts and minds of us humans without anyone ever noticing them. You must be just befooling me”, I laughed aloud at the statement recently uttered by Elphi.

“NO I am serious. You humans carry the symbolic self created Elphis in your minds, the same way I have adopted my terror of fetters and ankus from my   childhood. You get befuddled by one negative experience in your life and give up trying the same thing further. You too have taken to all kinds of negativity and self denial from the early childhood. The ghosts of past bad experiences always haunt your mankind with the result that the humans are never able to disassociate themselves from the fearful complexes .These apprehensions and doubts on your own capability given to you during your childhood and parentage, become colossal Elphis when you grow up physically ,  though mentally you still remain steeped in your self- woven anxieties . I think you should first try to emancipate your own creed from the massive elephants that occupy their thinking and doing faculty and then possibly I should also move out of this town and go back to my forest abode, till then let me enjoy the company of the Elphis  living within all of you’.

I obviously had no reason to further cajole the biggest mammal living on the land. I knew the urgency was to ask my fellow beings to throw away the elephants of self doubt,   the   elephants of past bad baggage’s, the elephants of some negativity experienced in life earlier and get up and get goingwith a renewed vigor and self determination to follow and realize the dreams of their lifetimes.

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