Nothing else can be as fatal for the marital relationship as your anger. An uncontrolled anger is like a slow poison to the strong threads of relations between husband and wife .The uncontrolled anger virtually eats into the very roots of love,trust and respectability of both the partners .
I have observed while counseling estranged or opposing spouses that couples would often express their anger and resentment towards each other and after a while they tend to cool down when educated about their misplacement of their emotions or expectations from each other.
However heavens may help in situations where one of the spouses happen to have an uncontrolable anger . Such expression of constant complaints and anger often leads to physical abuse ,emotional accusations against each other and ultimate separation.
Anger is not so bad if used momentarily and allowed to subside and defused once it has been expressed. The message that the angry person has been upset over certain issues or acts of either spouse can be conveyed and thereafter both would do better to come to the levels of finding ways to negotiate peace and make amends .
There comes a stage when the partners need to involve a professional family therapist who can help them look at their differences or different perceptions in new light to sort out the disputes .Such intervention is arranged with a view to evolve newer and better emotional understanding amongst the couple ,even though the previous hurt still remains at the background. But the seething anger has been overcome as the partners give each other opportunities to grow their new closeness and understanding.
But many a times the harmed partner particularly wife finds it difficult to let go of the past and forgive her husband. Her anger seethes like a wild fire that knows no direction ,hovering over the relationship and destroying everything that comes in its path .Such situation finds no retrieval and the couple sooner or later ends up parting ways through legal separation,or finding it difficult to stay together peacefully.
A partner with such an uncontrolled anger often brings to the fore the mistakes of the other partner,by shaming him or her at every available opportunities,refuses to listen to any explanation by the partner and believes no compromise can be big enough to solve the problems which have arisen in their relationship.
An understanding partner can help coverup many shortcomings ,mistakes and at times blunders of the other partner unless it happens to be a complete erosion of trust and faith.But in the event of such a situation too,the partners need to sit together by letting the anger go and understand how to proceed with their relationship further or even give it a break by inflicting the minimum damage to the family and partners themselves.
It is important that both husband and wife should pay attention to their anger control and if they find that their relationship is getting affected by such frequent bursts of anger. They should consult a counseling psychologist and family therapist .A trained professional counselor and family therapist would help them with relevant anger management therapies including perceptive breathing exercises .
While there are enough advisors in every social circle to guide and help the estranged or fighting couples but such unprofessional approach unknowingly out of their ignorance can ignite more anger or mistrust towards each other often leading to frequent accusations. As far as possible couples should avoid such agony aunts for their own betterment .Repeated complaints, frequent bickerings and trying to put down the partner or staging a show down for your partner just because you are angry with him or her can on the contrary take the love out of relations,resulting into the damaged partner finding solace elsewhere .No partner in the right mind who values relationship would like to be in such an embarrassing situation .Anytime you feel angry with or at your partner ,give yourself sometime to think over if the confrontation can be through anger or matters can also be discussed without losing control and being firm in your tone and body language.
,If you have such uncontrolled anger /domestic violence situation You should come to us at Family Therapy India and we will help you resolve all issues of your marriage in more amicable manner .Find us @ http://www.mansikpramarsh.com
Email us @ mansikpramarsh@gmail.com
Call: 09179383554,917314263087
–Ramneek Kapoor – Family Therapist, Psychologist Counselor and Science of Living Expert .
Family will survive all storms with a little patience and perseverance.
Poonam and her husband Sangit had a wonderful marriage going for the first year of their marriage.Everything seemed to have been set specially to bring the joy and comfortable living for them in their life, but things took an adverse turn when Poonam had conceived her first baby. Her pregnancy ( an unplanned one ) had happened and Sangit didn’t know how to handle this. Poonam’s early morning sickness was too much for him to take .He felt that he had been dealt a wrong hand in the 
Dolly had echoed similar words of dissatisfaction in her marriage to this therapist as she expressed her annoyance on her husband for spending most of his days for office travel unnecessary . She told the therapist, ” even on the days he is in town he would hardly give time to me and children. Every evening my husband spends his time with his friends partying in the club or a bar”.
Harish a businessman speaks same thoughts when he says, ” my wife throws one kitty party every week compulsorily and the days she does not throw a party herself, it would be any of her friends inviting her over. We hardly see each other at home. We have become strangers staying under the same roof”.
Family is Everything .
Mrs Sharma sounded worried when she handed over the school bag of her daughter to bus attendant, “Please tell the driver not to drive too fast. He fetches small children, They can fall off their seats “. The bus attendant just nodded her head in affirmation. Not satisfied with just a nod, Mrs Sharma moved to the front of the bus .”Please drive slow and take care of our children” she had told the driver. The driver too nodded his head. Mrs Sharma waited for the bus to move. She kick started her scooter . She paused for a moment and then turned her scooter towards the direction in which the bus had been going. She followed the bus at a safe distance and eventually having seen the bus safely getting into the school gate, she turned back . Such melodrama has been going on with Mrs Sharma for over a month now.
Julie is only six years old .She studies in the neighborhood kindergarten school. She had been fine all this while and used to be very eager to go to school every morning .Last week suddenly out of the blue she complained of stomach ache and refused to go to school. Her mother had taken her to the pediatrician who found nothing wrong with the child . The child had been referred to the school counselor. A few sessions with the parents, the child and the class teacher revealed, the child has been always worried about her mother being alone at home and this worry always prevailed upon her mind.
Mrs Narwhal was so much worried of getting affected by the germs or carrying the germs back home that she would hang an extra set of clothes in her toilet in advance , which she wanted to wear the moment she would get back home from her trip outside. Every time she had come back to her house, she would first get into the bath to wash her clothes, bathe herself in order to cleanse herself of all the germs that she thought she might have brought with her from outside. She would feel completely relieved once having done this ritual .But it is obvious, such a ritual can be a great pain to other members of her family as the rule of changing into the fresh clothes after returning from outside and of washing the clothes that had been worn for going outside immediately on return from outside played havoc with the peace of the family . Any kind of advise to Mrs Narwhal to stop worrying created further problems as she would avoid such person who would advise her to not to worry .
Alka Mansik Pramarsh Foundation Clinical Psychologists-Family therapists Indore 0731-4263087,9179383554 
Do you think your spouse is depressed and want to know how to help
Posted in daily writings and musings of the psychologist, tagged anger, angry, anxiety, clinical psychologist in indore, clinicalpsychologist, counselling psychologist, depression, family counselling, family counsellor, family counsellor in indore, family dispute counselling, family fights, family systems, family therapist in indore, family therapists, family therapy, familytherapist, familytherapistin indore, lifestyle, marital counseling, marital counselling, marital counsellor, marital disputes, marital disputes counseling, maritaltherapy, marraige counselling, marriage, marriage counseling, marriage counseling in Indore, meditation, mental health, mindset, premarital counselling, premarital counsellor, premarriage counselling, premarriage fears, psy, psychiatrist, psychological abuse, psychologist, psychologist in indore, psychologistinindore, psychologistsinindore, psychology, psychotherapyLeave a comment, reflections, relationship, relationships, sad, society, Tagged anxiety, women on December 14, 2018| Leave a Comment »
A few sessions with the couple revealed that they both in spite of their long dating history had failed to emotionally connect with each other so far. Seema had wanted to make the emotional connection but had not understood how to proceed with it. She had always wanted to make Jatin part of her inner life. Each time she tried she sounded more pathetic and distressed and felt completely remorseful when she did not get the desired attention and response from Jatin.
It has been observed by us that one partner in a marriage is depressed , the cause would always be a marital situation between the two spouses. The solution to such a situation has to be found within the marriage situation only.There can be no solution by putting the onus to only one of the members to the marriage, as the reason is not individual but a common factor is responsible for whatever is happening to the spouses.
-Ramneek Kapoor – Family Therapist, Psychologist Counselor and Science of Living Expert.
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