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Posts Tagged ‘reflections’

Portrait of stressed Caucasian womanTanisha (name changed) has been married for seven years into her second marriage. Her earlier marriage  had  not last long enough and before she could realize that she has been married, she was out of the wedlock.Her husband of her   first marriage , could not take to her low mood and low self esteem.He called it quits in one years time. She had met Sunit (name changed ) through the family social circle. Sunit an employed engineer , despite his having divorced her wife from his first marriage had  appealed to the family so much that without any kind of  verification etc., Tanisha had been married off to him . It was all rosy picture for the first few months of hr new marital life . She had moved with him to another city where he was  posted on his job. Soon she had been  blessed with a baby. Things started to go wrong the moment she had announced her   being pregnant to her husband. Sunit found it difficult to continue in the job he was holding. He quit the job .They moved back to his parents home.They have both become dependent on his parents meager income of rentals and pension. Tanisha later learnt that Sunit’s   earlier divorce had happened on account of his inability to continue into any job for longer period.

Sunit has since been out of job for seven years. Each day begins with a fight for the financial needs which have been by now been mounting to unmanageable levels. their daughter  is five years old. Her school expenses too have been  rising up every year and will go up further ( her current school expense is being managed by Tanisha’s  parents form their pension funds) .

pexels-photo-936127It is obvious Tanisha has to bear the brunt of her husband being unemployed . She is mistreated by her mother in law too. Tanisha  has been moving forth between her parents house and her in laws like a bouncing ball very frequently. The last time she had been away for over six months ( this being longest period of her leaving her husband ). Yet she comes back every time .Every month it happens either she is told to leave her in laws’ place by her mother in law or her husband or she would leave in a huff after the fight vowing never to come back . Her  life goes on in spite of the  mental, physical , emotional , economic and   social abuse.Neither her parents want her to leave her husband nor is she confident enough to lead her life independently.

The relationship that Tanisha has been undergoing is a regular feature in her life, as she has been treated very badly in childhood  by   some of the family members, and again by  some of the boy friends in her teens when she was into college.

Businesswoman stressed and tiredRelationship abuse is the most common form of psychological, abuse people indulge into to hold a sway over others or allow others to hold a sway over them. It is a kind of psychological exploitation by the perpetrator . At the same time it is also an unnecessary comfort area the victim gets into refusing to come out of it.

It has been observed that Women ( irrespective of the fact that they are married or not ) stay in abusive relationships due to a combination of low self-esteem,  still low self confidence ,lack of family support ,poor other  alternatives . This is also compounded by the time and efforts they have invested to rectify the current  relationship, find the research  recently conducted . The results indicate  that 88% of women continue their relationships with their   abusive partner over  longer periods. The women just do not have the courage to move out of the relationships and leave their partners. even after having been abused over longer relationships , many women  ( many men too ) with lack of self esteem and  lack of  self confidence  find it hard to leave their partner. They just prefer enduring the abusive relationship having lost all their trust in their own capabilities.

The study points out that only  a small percentage of  12% of the women in this study who were abused — psychologically or physically — left their partner . This happens when such  women feel they are  not worthy of bringing about any change in their  status .

pexels-photo-568027The low self-esteem in women can be  the result of having undergone  childhood abuse — which can instill fear of the unknown change .Doubts of self empowerment can  raise their tolerance for abuse, and neglect .  Such women  have  reported at least one incident of abuse in their early life , whether physical or psychological.Psychological abuse included things like, “touching inappropriately by a friend or a relative”, “ being  bullied in their childhood”, ” being called  fat or ugly”, ” having been ignored by parents, guardians, or“ being hurled insults by teachers , tutors, classmates or companions “.Most of the abuse  the study   indicates are  psychological.

The research points out that : “…women experiencing high levels of psychological distress may not feel efficacious in their ability .The results showed that 88% of women were still with an abusive partner over longer periods  unwilling to  leave their partners.”Childhood abuse has been  an important contributory factor,“…women who were abused in childhood are  more satisfied with their current relationships than women who are  not abused in childhood.

crop-hand-pointing-at-upset-girl_23-2147798382“It is possible that women with childhood abuse histories are more satisfied in their relationships than women without childhood abuse histories because they have more tolerance for mistreatment based on early life experiences and resulting interpersonal experiences ”, the researcher points out ,“…the more psychological abuse women are exposed to, the more energy and effort they put forth to resolve the conflict, thus leading to increases in perceived investment.”

“The more  time , effort, emotions and experiences  women invest in their relationship, the more likely they are  to stay in such abusive relationships” , and hence their could be many Tanisha’s enduring abusive relationships.

-Ramneek Kapoor – Family Therapist , Psychologist Counselor and Science of Living Expert  .

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emotional intelligenceWhen we achieve balance of emotions in our day to day life , we get a sense of self  mastery and well being. But instead of managing balance of emotions we tend to get swayed by  the event. We brood over the event and the person that has stirred the emotional upheaval and bring about the imbalanced attitude of negative emotions.

Emotional balance on the other hand would mean giving ourselves the necessary   preference, importance, care , nurturing and intelligence to conduct our life in such a way that it should offset the negative tilt and bring about the positive uplift within our mind and heart .We are designed to live in a healthy combination of emotional balance and wisdom. But we get carried away as we mentioned above.

Emotional balance would not mean controlling emotions . We can not mute our emotion by the use of any remote device , nor can we make them very loud. Life in both cases will become very bland and uninteresting . What if we keep on saying all the time that, ” I am very sad today”, or we just brood over the event and present a sad face. Similarly living in one emotion always is not desirable. Can we always be happy, buoyant and celebratory all the times ? if not then why should we remain sad, anxious , melancholic and stressed all the times. Such downs and ups of the moods and emotions add spice and entertainment to our life.The Downs present us with the challenges and Up would always make us happy. But the Ups too present to us the challenge  for not going overboard.

We do not need to avoid the unpleasant feelings, relations, events or places . On the contrary feel empowered to balance the negative with the positive of life, by looking at and perceiving all aspects of life.  Most of the times we get overpowered by the negative emotion and get stuck with that. Such negatives take over our life in the morning itself and we continue with it through most of the day.

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Balancing emotions must remain a consistent , constant, factor of our life. We must keep balancing with different moods in the day. All free time available should be utilized for balancing. Think  of the good times that you have had, the good things of life , the good events that you had participated in , to offbeat the bad happenings. Learn to soothe your mood by treating your self nicely, differently and importantly .Give importance to yourself .Have a say in how long you will stay in bad mood. Thereafter shift your focus , hit upon the new entertainment, the new treatment of self. The intensity of the bad emotion and the bad mood will come down.

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Chronic pain, chronic bad mood , chronic losing yourself into  bad emotions should be broken by intermittent good mood. Bad mood can be balanced by small wins of good mood . Before we get into clinical or manic depression , balancing emotions with small good treats, small wins will prevent the coming of the anxiety, stress, fear, and subsequent depression.

Ramneek kapoor,Clinical Psychologist and family Therapist,Science of living ,Preksha Meditation expert.\

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We  all  have a very naughty monkey living within our physical and mental system . This  little monkey known as the mind keeps on playing the  games within our  cerebral and emotional subsystem . And we as little kids and sometimes as grown ups keep on taking part in the games   that this little NON -HOMINOID devices for us while the cerebral games  can be managed analytically it is very important to understand the emotional games.   Emotions are the deepest  part of our personality . it is not possible for a normal person to understand and go deep into the foundation and forming of these emotion. These emotions can be good , bad , positive , negative or even neutral. Our mind is run by these emotions . we have good emotions prevailing our mind will be good , or in case of negative emotions our mind also  becomes negative .our very existence is connected to the running of our emotions . In the current video and the  subsequent presentation we shall be discussing about the  emotions and the ways to manage the emotions.

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on the occasion of Doctors Day  we are releasing the second video by Dr. Ramneek Kapoor on youtube.

In this segment, Dr. Ramneek Kapoor, Psychologist, Family Therapist, Science of Living and Preksha meditation expert, talks about the need for self acceptance to deal effectively with depression, anxiety and stresses of life.

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Dr. Ramneek Kapoor, Psychologist, Family Therapist, Science of Living and Preksha meditation expert, talks about the need to enhance self acceptance to deal effectively with depression, anxiety and stresses of life.

All my friends now get the benefit of my counseling and guided meditation for their mental health and well-being. Presenting my new YouTube channel. Do like, share and subscribe! #MentalHealthMatters

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Much has been written by thinkers, philosophers, scientists, sages and preachers on the subject of mind and heart. There has been  endless research on the issue of restless mind and spirit of human beings, yet the peace still eludes many of us. The world still suffers from many diseases of the mind and heart. Words like depression, anxiety, stress and phobic disorder, mental disorder, behavioral disorder are being used like the common place flu and colds happening to ordinary people. The medical world abounds by all kinds of medicines and treatments, offering little respite to those who suffer. People  continue to suffer .Their restless minds and souls are constantly being tormented. Through the columns of these pages we will try to understand how do we establish  better understanding  of these matters of mind and heart to reach emotional stability in our lives and keep our lives balanced.

We humans are connected with the organic world with the most developed brain and thinking powers. In the organic world three kinds of living beings exist i.e., those that have the instinctual survival bereft of any emotions, those that survive only on the basis of their physical strength and display only momentary emotional awareness .Humans have been bestowed with the powers that can generate emotions in our system involuntarily and activate our thinking system whether we like it or not.  We also have a fully developed mental perception, which can take cognizance of the matter and connect it to the events and consequences. We have a fully developed memory. We think, we imagine, we connect and we activate. Much as man would like to become thoughtless at times, sleep without any connection to the real world, the brain continues working either voluntarily but mostly involuntarily.

The involuntary emotional system activates our mind all the time. It forces the mind to imagine, to create and to dream. The dreams motivate us to plan which are executed by us to realize all those that we dreamt of. But in the law of our land where we have the thought, the power to dream and the power to reflect, we do have the situations that cause conflict and pain. For wherever there is a mind, the thought, the power to reflect, the analytical skill, there we have the conflict, the contradiction. No mental activity can ever be without the contradictory and opposite situation. Wherever we have the mind, we have the pain and we have the misery. Man however does not want to suffer. He wants to always be in comfort, in happiness and in the enjoyment of a happy life. This is a natural phenomenon .All living beings look for a life full of comforts. The inanimate only do not know the difference between   the comfort and discomfort. The living beings who do not have a mind suffer only for a short while. Their sense of discomfort is only short lived,  is unexpressed on account of lack of emotions . They do not consign their discomfort to their   memory bank. Nor do they draw upon their memory bank to reflect and compare their current and past discomfort. But man being a thinking organic sensitive emotional mind feels, expresses, analyses ,compares  and consigns  all comforts and discomforts to his   memory bank, thus in a way being always under the load of misery .

Can the mind be free from worries and miseries? 

We are all part of the larger organic world in which we are all living beings like millions of other kinds of living being inhabiting the solar system. Our world in fact as compared to the world of other living beings of the universe is too small. We are very miniscule in numbers, barely a few trillions all over the globe. The other planets must be peopled with many more living beings which the science is continuously researching into. Whether those living beings too have similar emotions, thoughts, mind and heart developed like us, only the research will find out.

But humans of our dear earth are endowed with a developed mental faculty. we all think .Thinking ,reflecting is an activity of the mind. We remember, we consign our thoughts to memory bank. We imagine. We create thoughts. Creation of thoughts and imagination is a mental exercise. We plan larger things for our life by the strength of our imagination .We dream of things that are larger than our life. We aspire for making these dreams come true. we do realize some of these dreams, imagination, and aspirations yet many other remain out of reach  . 

In order to understand the malady that has befallen the modern mind we will have to know the functioning of the mind in the modern age .the modern times are the reflectors of the cerebral psychological problems. Every individual is    involved fully into the mental day to day stresses of life. The involvement of the human mind into the cerebral problems becomes the major detriment to the peace and happiness of the human intellect.  Every human being wants to become free of the mental stress that he is suffering from.  We need to understand as to what mind is, in order to get liberated from the stresses and problems of the mind. Without really looking into the functioning of the mind it is simply irrelevant to solve the problems that exist in our psyche today.

What are the functions performed by Mind ?

Mind is the action centre of the conscious and subconscious both. Sometimes it acts  in full associations of the brain and the heart and other times it may wander into unknown realms of its own . Our central nervous system may have a role in controlling the mind and body both.  but mind does not remain restricted within the body hence it may be incorrect to say that mind is controlled by the brain and performs all those actions as are  demanded of it by the brain.

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Continuing from my last post  about self acceptance ……  I have observed that many a times”WE All” surrender to the negativity in weaker moments of life and then allow the nihilistic attitude to overtake our body, mind and all faculties . The shadow of doubt arises from the fact that we do not want to face our own self in these weaker moments thus losing control and surrendering  with humble submission . We do not try to resurrect the position by reviving the natural powers that the nature has bestowed us with . These powers are the :

  • power of mind
  • power of brain
  • power of determination ( resolution )
  • power of  karma
  • power of positivity.

  In my article Accept Yourself…….. all we are doing is to enhance the self image and self esteem and  convert the negativity of life to living our life in positive emotions through daily  self acceptance  practices . By way of writing and stating   the obvious power we all possess  we shall be increasing our own acceptance from the inner strengths before we move to the external world.

Just remember that we are weakling physically as  compared  to  even a small ant that can carry a load of  12 times its own weight  while moving . obviously we cannot do that . Same way we can not bear and tolerate the   stringent weather and vagaries of nature like a small plant or a tree can do . The small plant  outside our window or a tree in the courtyard cam  stand through the storm,  heat, sunshine, rain,  or the cold and still give its best back to the nature. We can however win in all situation because we have the power of the mind ( the desire ) that made us look for the ways to control the nature . This strong mind enables us to find our way in the mountainous region by making tunnels, ropeways, circular roads and by even destroying the  mountain if it stood in the way. We by our power of mind have controlled all elements  of nature eg.   the sun,  the wind, the  sea and  below the surface element by making them useful to the mankind. our mind desired and the brain got busy  working full time to meet  and fulfill the desires   of the mind. Hence in the previous post I had asked you to begin accepting yourself by recognising and recalling the power of your own mind.

Let us once again do the same exercise once again in the manner we had done last week :  take a pen and paper  and start writing the following powerful positive statement  about yourself :

I am a powerful person I have the power of mind .  

Continue writing a full page .  Having completed writing  please place aside the pen and the paper.

We will now  meditate on this .

  • please sit in a comfortable  position wherever you are , keeping your   back straight but comfortable.
  • Place your right hand on your heart and the left hand four fingers below your navel in the middle of the stomach.
  • be at your ease.
  • close your eyes softly
  • and   start breathing.
  • let your mind  travel from the  lower left hand    to the top of your forehead  while  inhaling  and let the mind travel back to the bottom of the left hand on the stomach while exhaling . continue the process for five minutes.
  •   after five minutes are over just  relax  for a while.
  • open your eyes.
  • pick up the page on which we had done the  writing today.
  • Start reading loudly the  words and sentences written by you on the page like you are memorising every word written there. Do not let your eyes and mind wander from the written words even for a wink of a second . let the words  be imprinted on your mind   completely .
  • having finished , close the eyes again and reflect on the words spoken by you.

Get up after a while………, you will gradually start feeling good , about yourself  after a few days exercise  ?

We regularly conduct Preksha Meditation classes at Alka Mansik Pramarsh Foundation and our experiences reveals that  the meditation of  self-acceptance makes  people gain positivity and happy state of mind which can  not  be  compared to others because in this there is no , “other”. The learning    of the self can definitely be compared to the learning of the  new things and being part of something bigger, some sacred   and celestial    happiness and satisfaction.Come and learn with us the  daily  self acceptance practices that result into  psychological  and emotional healing.

Ramneek kapoor,Clinical Psychologist and family Therapist,Science of living ,Preksha Meditation expert.

 

 

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