Every couple who decides to tie the marital knot should understand and be aware of that it is ultimately the available of sufficient regular income for running the life that will keep the smile on the lips and love in the heart going for each other. They must realize that it is the satisfactory flow of money that will keep the kitchen fires burning and make the marriage enjoyable and workable for the family. Most of the times, it is the lack of adequate money that becomes the cause of irritation, intolerance for each other and subsequent fights between couples. Couples in their romanticism may not give that kind of importance to money and plunge headlong into an early marriage /live in relationship. Such issues need to be worked out in advance by both the partners immediately after they decide to live together on long term basis as partners be it within the wedlock or outside the wedlock. The couples need to sit down and discuss the money that will be available for immediate daily living, the long time prospects when offspring is planned and decide as to who is going to contribute in what way to the family money kitty. They must be expressive to each other on their thoughts and attitude on money. Such planning and understanding will keep the tempers from flaring up later on in life and threaten the very institute of marriage. Romantic thoughts, poetry, not willing to touch the dreary topics of money management styles may want to consider having a “specific date to discuss marital fund” to find out the ways and means to find the cash and for making each future day a very healthy and beautiful day of marital life Couples who both work and earn and who plan to get married should mutually decide whether they should operate common fund, separate contributions, joint accounts, separate accounts or both.
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This may not seem very important issue as majority of the couples in India belong to almost similar /same religion but personal habits of following or not adhering to religious rituals can cause tensions and stresses in marital life. , again with many mixed marriages being on the rise , many couples in their infatuation for each other overlook something that may create rifts and problems in the relationship , once the initial euphoria of the infatuation settles down. Any of the partners can have strong religious convictions or the pressures from the family and society can make them oppose each other. Every couple should look for a freedom to maintain their personal beliefs. But being humans we do get carried away on occasions and as such the couple needs to look for a counseling support system to handle such delicate matters. Though some of the common systems as mentioned below should help • Refraining from performing religious activities, but it is in human nature to not to become an atheist. • Converting one partner to the other’s religion but then modern individualism may come in the way, as it amounts to surrendering personal freedom. • Compromise and finding a middle path of accepting a faith that meets both the rituals and beliefs • emerging of the common religion, where each accepts and supports the others faith and beliefs without converting • Each person maintaining the original religious conviction separately and allowing full freedom to the other .
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An open communication definitely will help the couple resolve their differences. They can do so by sitting in an amicable atmosphere of love and regard for each other’s opinion and view point. Many issues can be settled in life by having a long talk. Some other issues can be settled and resolved by professional counseling. It may so happen some times that the couple simply isn’t compatible cerebrally and physically to be together. But that does not mean that the strangers cannot become the best of friends. Efforts made in the right direction can bring the poles apart personalities to develop tolerance and acceptance of each other which may eventually ignite the sparks of love and affection too.
A strained relationship can be developed due to many smaller yet important issues which could have been better resolved as soon as these differences had cropped up. The differences could also have been arisen as a result of much deeper issues. Certain problems seem to be common among many couples, so those areas are good places to start when trying to work on a lifelong marital relationship. A good beginning can be made by the young couple by seeking premarital counseling to help them with their relationship support material and tips that can help the couple build a solid foundation for a happy married life.
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It is wonderful feeling to be in love and date each other. While dating prior to the commitment made to each other for a long term relationship, the couples meet for awhile and then pine for each other till they meet at the next date. Everything is seen by them from behind the rosy shades of love and affection for each other. The emotions of possessiveness and yearning do not bring in the mundane communication of a daily grinds of life. But being in a long-term relationship isn’t merely pining for the lover’s physical intimacy alone. Being in long term relationships will involve managing and taking care of many other lives in addition to the lives of the lovers. And it is not an easy task. . Both people need to accommodate themselves to new family atmosphere and new relationships in their lives. Gradually they will have to raise their own families to make their family a complete unit. They need to then communicate over many other issues in addition to the romance and love in marriage. Their issues that gain priority over love may pertain to jobs and careers, money and household expense, household work and taking care of the babies, social, cultural and religious affairs, parenting and in many cases taking care of the aged and old in the families. As a couple begins their journey into the long-term relationship of wedded bliss, their love for each other many a times may take a back seat and the love gets reduced to a few stolen kisses and quickies here and there. The couple forgets about nurturing and keeping the flame of love and desire for each other alive. Soon the infatuation of physical hunger wears off and then the focus shifts from the affection to the problems. The stark realities of need for more money, career priorities and of culture, of religion, and of family may cause concerns and small squabbles. Before these squabbles get blown into major issues and a beautiful relationship begins to disintegrate. The couple needs to understand that every relationship is important in life and more so with the one with whom you have to spend your life time. Needless to say, that every difference and misunderstanding should be treated as worth working for and saving, once the infatuation begins to fade. Communication is the only tool and doorway to establish a better understanding; essentially the couple, need to take up all those problems that are causing strangled relationship .
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Counseling should obviously be sought when the individual have selected a companion and the decisions to get married by both the individuals have been finalized, so that the benefits can be accrued by both the partners in their future married life. The psychologists recommend seeking counseling:
- When both the partners are very young and have never been married. ( of course both have to take decision to get married only at the legal marriage age allowed by the law of the land )
- When the commitment for marriage cannot be taken with an open mind and the decision leads to fears and phobia in the individual’s mind.
- When the decision involves many issues related to religion, culture, family , economic, social background, income, , parenting, household responsibility, work, job, career ambitions, physical intimacy, sex, companionship, privacy, loss of independence etc.
- When any of the near relatives, parents, siblings, have been through a bad marriage in the family.
- When either or both partners have had a failed marriage before and have been through a trauma of legal divorce.
- When the family pressures conflict with personal reasons and attitude.
- When the individual have been a victim of childhood abuse or domestic violence.
- When individual has other reasons that could create conflicting situations with either of the spouse or other near and dear ones.
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Pre-marital counseling is advice and counseling imparted to a young couple (man and woman) who are about to get married shortly. The counseling usually is imparted to the couple together. But many a times individual counseling is also undertaken to assist the individuals in removing many of the myths, fears, misconceptions which could lead to conflicts in marriage later, if not handled at the individual level. The premarital counseling is facilitated by a qualified psychologist who has had the experience of dealing with marital and family problems for a long time. The premarital counseling renders
- Help to the couples to identify those areas of conflict that could become problematic later on in their lives.
- Assist couples in developing understanding for the changed roles in their lives and the expected mutual adjustments expected from now on in their lives.
- Equip them with the skills to enjoy and pilot their way through a meaningful marriage successfully.
- To develop as responsible fun loving companions for each other and to the other family members.
- A professional counselor addressing the pre-marital counseling to the couple will make use of many kinds of assessment criterion to help the couple understand the rosy as well as bleak areas which could either make the marriage enjoyable journey or fill it up with potential complications. The psychologist will address some of the common areas given below at the time of premarital counseling:
- Male –female Sexuality and its implications /expectations in a married life.
- Interests and Activities of a married couple and as individual entities
- Role Expectations for both the partners
- Personal Adjustment /accommodation for a successful marriage.
- Interpersonal Communication and interfamily adjustments
- Culture, Morality, Ethics, Religion And Philosophy
- Marriage Expectations and the changed life thereafter
- Family Issues and mutual responsibility
- Finances- income- individual-shared
- Personal growth, family growth, Children ,and Parenting
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Stress and strains in Preparing for a new relationship: we as individual live in a predetermined, self imposed self selected privacy as we go about our daily living in families and in various roles of society. Yet within this privacy we do have the necessary social interaction and relationships. Marital counseling can help the couple develop a relationship that has the inbuilt system of allowing space to both the spouses and yet bring about the required intimacy for enjoying the new relationship. The couple should evolve like two full grown flowers that spread a common fragrance of love and affection and yet appear beautiful in their own individual identity. Every couple knows that their Dedication to Marriage will build stronger relationships. Their dedication towards each other will bring about a strong love for each other, a sense of humor, willingness to grow up together, necessary strength for working towards a common cause, shared and tolerance for each other’s religious and cultural beliefs, and commonality of life’s goals. This dedication will be built upon love, affection, empathy, allowance, understanding, commitment, communication, friendship and of course yearning for companionship. All these adjectives together make a beautiful garden known as the marriage. One such missing petal can cause the whole flowers fall apart hence the mental strength gained through pre marital counseling will provide the necessary feed, , sunlight and the nurturing to the romancing couple and of course the bring down the ever rising divorce rate the world over.
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What should the couple ask a psychologist counselor? : The question that a young couple may have in mind is as to:
- What should they ask the counselor separately as individuals and as a couple together who have decided to tie the nuptials
- Does every couple need such counseling?
- But we have known each other for so long as lovers / friend’s .why do we need counseling now?
- Will the counseling be done in privacy or will there be more couples will be involved in the process?
- Will the counseling involve my /ours parents too?
- How will the counseling help me/ us have a smooth/ rocking marital relationships?
- How many sessions will be necessary?
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Alka Mansik Pramarsh Foundation, Indore is a registered premier nongovernmental organization of Central India. The society is committed to provide access to counseling on mental, psychological,behavioral, psychotic, neurotic, social and spiritual health and professional guidance to all sections of society . We are an organization of psychologists, family therapists counseling experts, social welfare and management experts. We find that the area of mental health and well being need a revolutionary yet sympathetic approach to providing quality cerebral psychological guiding and counseling services to people from all walks and strata of our society. The current stress and strain on working couples and their children on account of single family units, competitive living, commercialization of family values and the race to get as much material wealth within the short time has left its deep scars on people’s mind and hearts, resulting into depressions and weakened personalities. The society has to bear its impact in the shape of lesser work force, non committed people, disintegrating families, disheartened youth and adolescents.
The Alka Mansik Pramarsh Foundation, Indore will provide succor to all such affected people by making psychological guidance and support available at very reasonable and affordable nominal cost. Our practices will be based on international psychological ethics and value standards.
We offer a wide range of counseling services for all these and many other different categories of people on varied issues. Alka Mansik Pramarsh Foundation, Indore makes available many types of highly classified psychological guiding, advising and counseling services.
- Counselling for depression , anxiety and stress
- Counselling for all kinds of behavioral , psychological ,personality and emotional issues
- Counselling for all kinds of psychotic, neurotic and mental issues
- Family Counseling and family therapy services
- Counseling for Emotional Problems related to Pre & Post marital issues
- Marriage Counseling Service
- Counseling for Family Problems
- Corporate Counseling and psychological services
- Counseling for adults and Adolescents issues
- Counseling for special children services
- School Students Counseling Services
- Counseling for Senior Citizens of society
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Alka Mansik Pramarsh Foundation Clinical Psychologists-Family therapists Indore 0731-4263087,9179383554 