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Posts Tagged ‘clinical psychologist in indore’

Understanding CBT and Counseling Techniques used for Better Mental Health

Posted in daily writings and musings of the psychologist, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 11, 2022| Leave a Comment »

Cognitive Behavior Therapy is recommended to clients to get the necessary treatment for their negative thoughts to bring about the desired positive change .

The key principle behind CBT is that our thought patterns affect our emotional understanding of the events which, in turn, can affect behavior and subsequent interaction with the people we interact with .

CBT also is believed to make us aware of our own negative emotions influencing our thought patterns .CBT helps us analyse and understand others behaviour as elicited by our own emotional understanding of the situation.

CBT highlights how negative thoughts can bring about negative feelings and actions.Similarly how negative emotions can interpret a positive event ,in negative tones . But, if we reframe our thoughts in a more positive way, it can lead to more positive feelings and helpful behaviors.Or if we work on developing positive emotions about ourselves and situations the thoughts will become more accepting .

While conducting CBT the therapist trains the patient to recognise such negative reading by his mind and how to reinterpret the situation with a positive frame of mind. The patient can continue to use these skills so learnt, in all difficult situations and overcome depression,anxiety or other mood disorders .

Depending on the issue the patient is dealing with and the expected specific goals of the CBT , the therapist can make use of several ways to administer CBT. It will basically involve :

  • identifying specific problems or issues in the client’s day to day life.
  • Helping the client become aware of unproductive thought patterns and how they can impact his or her life
  • identifying negative thinking and reshaping it in a way that changes how he or she feels
  • learning new behaviors and putting them into practice

After speaking with the client and learning more about the issue the client wants help with, the therapist will decide on the best CBT strategies to use.

CBT involves making use of the appropriate combination of a few the following 9 strategies:

1. Cognitive restructuring or reframing

This involves taking a hard look at negative thought patterns. When we tend to over-generalize, and apprehend that the worst is about to happen , or tend to get into too much details for every thing we do we find it difficult to act. Our thoughts can prevent us from doing what we want to do and create havoc in our life.

The therapist in this situation will help us identify the negative patterns of our thoughts and inaction . He trains us as to how to reframe those thoughts so they’re more positive and productive and propel our action taking connative behaviour.

For example: “I am not valued in my office because I’m totally useless” can become “I may not be the best worker , but I’m as valuable an employee as can be and I contribute the same way as others do .”

2. Guided discovery

In guided discovery, the therapist will acquaint himself with our viewpoint. Then he will ask questions designed to challenge our beliefs and broaden our thinking.

The client might be asked to give evidence that supports clients assumptions, as well as evidence that does not.

In the process, the client will learn to see things from other perspectives, especially ones that he or she may not have considered before. This can help client choose a more helpful path.

3. Exposure therapy

Exposure therapy can be used to confront fears and phobias . The therapist will slowly expose you to the things that provoke fear or anxiety, while providing guidance on how to cope with them in the moment.This can be done in small increments. Eventually, exposure can make us feel less vulnerable and more confident in our coping abilities whenever the anxieties build up.

4. Journaling and thought records

Putting down your thoughts in writing is a very simple yet effective way of getting in touch with your emotions.One can list down repeated negative thoughts that occur frequently and disturb your homeostasis .It will certainly help to write down your positive thoughts also as would be the inclusion of new thoughts and new behavior for day to day interaction.

5. Activity scheduling and behavior activation

When you are in a negative frame of mind you tend to put off activities in fear or in anxiety.Writing schedules of such activities and visualising them before you begin practicing them can give you the confidence .With such a positive confidence it becomes easy to overcome negative emotions connected with such activities.

6. Behavioral experiments

Behavioral experiments are used for anxiety disorders that involve catastrophic imagining . The psychologist here asks you to express your apprehension as to what will happen if you perform the given task that you otherwise have been dreading to perform. Once you have (reluctantly ) completed the given task you are asked to talk about whether the apprehension came true. Over time, you may start believing that your apprehensive anxiety is not very valid as nothing that you expected to happen actually took place.

7. Meditation, Relaxation and stress reduction techniques.

Perceptive meditation, progressive muscle relaxation and positive imagery building exercises are undertaken to bring about a total positive control over mind ,body and soul to eliminate the phobias,fears anxieties and depression.

8. Role playing

Role playing can help us overcome negative thinking , apprehension and work through difficult relationship and situations. A role play out done with the help of therapist can lessen fear and can be used for:

  • improving problem solving skills
  • gaining familiarity and confidence in certain situations
  • practicing social skills
  • assertiveness training
  • improving communication skills

9. Successive approximation through small successes

This involves taking tasks that seem overwhelming and breaking them into smaller, more achievable steps. Each successive step builds upon the previous steps so you gain confidence as you go, bit by bit.

To know more about CBT and undertake the same ,please get in touch with us mansikpramarsh@gmail.com

917314263087

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Autism Spectrum Disorder: Managing Behavioral Difficulties in ASD Children

Posted in daily writings and musings of the psychologist, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 10, 2021| Leave a Comment »

We regularly get queries from young parents asking for support to understand the behaviour of their wards suffering from Autism Spectrum Disorder and the behaviour difficulties faced by the affected children.

Children suffering from ASD have behaviour issues which are quite common. These issue relate to more about their communication, social interaction,working within the structured schedule and processing of the sensory information.However if parents are trained and equipped with the appropriate strategies , much of the stress and strain can be reduced bringing relief to the family and the child.They can often be managed through effective activity and behavior management.

There are many difficulties, ASD children face in their behaviour. These issues can be identified as difficulties in communication, issues of  sensory processing, social interaction, and physical balance issues that can make active play more difficult for these kids. Parents and caregivers need to understand that  such behaviours as appear inappropriate are in reality symptoms of the difficulties the child with ASD is facing in his her day to interaction and communicate with others .

Understanding the Causes of Inappropriate Behaviour

The main causes of behavioral difficulties are generally as follows:

Difficulties with communication: Children with ASD struggle with both verbal and expressive language, understanding what is being said to them, and comprehending non-verbal communication cues. This can, become quite frustrating for both the communicator and the child .The child may not be into problem behaviour but to the other person it would appear so ,which causes frustration at both ends.

Difficulties with social situations: The difficulties presented by social situations for a person with ASD are much more than mere communication; people with ASD struggle to understand others’ points of view and grasp the “unspoken rules” of social interaction that state when to, begin and when end a conversation. They are in no position to get the emotional nuances of social communication. Due to all of this, children with ASD may avoid social contact, and they are more likely to experience being harrassed and feel overwhelmed by unnecessary intervention by others in their life .

Difficulties with unstructured time: People with ASD have a hard time dealing with situations where there is no set schedule, as their brains have a hard time sequencing activities on their own out of the given timetable and schedule. Due to this some of the children with ASD are more likely to act out during the period which is not scheduled earlier eg.free period or suddenly declared break times, as they feel confused and frustrated.

Difficulties processing sensory information: Those with ASD often have over or under-sensitive senses, leading to a tendency to get overwhelmed or to seek attention to such a degree that it becomes embarrassing for the accompanying parent and the person interacting with the child.. ASD affected child may react strongly to an unwanted touch, be very selective and particular food eater, get largely disturbed and irritated by loud noises ( be it a noise coming from far off .The child feels unable to concentrate on account of background noise and reacts adversely.

Additionally, one should always remember that people with ASD do not easily adapt to change.Parents managing their ASD ward should be aware of the changes being brought about in their environment or schedule that can trigger problem behaviours.A sudden bout of Illness (especially seizures, which ASD individuals may be prone to) can also trigger adverse reactions as the child with ASD cannot give verbal expression to his or her pain. Doctors advise parents to use picture posters or diagrams to help children express where they are feeling pain.

Dealing with Problem Behaviour

It’s key to understand that the child is using these behaviours to try to communicate something to you, or to achieve some specific function. It’s vital to look under the surface of these behaviours so as to discover the unaddressed needs below. Try to asses what you child is trying to tell you, rather than reacting to the behaviour itself (resist “punishing”; few ASD children actually understand the cause and effect implied by it). It’s also advised to keep a “behaviour diary” or chart so that one can identify patterns in a child’s behaviour and from there, isolate what’s triggering the child’s episodes. One can then develop strategies to avoid or manage the triggers (be sure to introduce these slowly, as sudden changes in routine will do more harm than good). Likewise, expect the child to initially resist the change; stay patient and be consistent with it regardless, and make sure that other family members, teachers, and caregivers are also keeping consistent with it.

One should also develop supportive therapies to help the child shed his or her frustration; these typically include: exercise, brief time out periods in a quiet, darkened space, and relaxing activities. Set achievable treatment goals and don’t push too hard for rapid improvement, as people with ASD can struggle to integrate new knowledge and change behaviours.

To get the best out of a child with ASD, it’s often helpful to employ the following strategies:

  • Speak clearly and precisely (and use short sentences) in order to work around the difficulties that arise with complex verbal communication.
  • Use visual supports. Many children with ASD process visual information more easily than other forms of information. Timetables can be helpful to assist children in understanding schedules.
  • Create “social stories”. These are brief descriptions (using words and images) of situations, events, or activities that help tell a child with ASD what to expect during an upcoming social situation.
  • Help the child identify his or her emotions. This is often challenging to a child with ASD; use visual aids (such as “stress scales”) to help the child quantify what he or she is feeling and how intensely, and help the child learn via physical associations, such as showing him or her that anger connects to a reddening of the face, stomach pain, the urge to cry, etc.
  • Help them learn to relax. Children with ASD find it hard to relax, and can be very “intense” and obsessive in their interests. Try to work relaxing activities or some quiet “alone time” into his or her daily routine.
  • Make their environment more soothing. As children with ASD can become overwhelmed by sensory information, it’s important to ensure their environments are as free as possible of sensory irritants. Flickering lights, devices that give off background noise, scented candles, etc., should be removed.
  • Give praise, in the form your child likes best. Praise is as important to an ASD child’s learning as it is to most children’s learning, but depending on their unique needs, praise may have to be modified to suit the child. For example, some may not like hugs, some may not recognize verbal praise. Often visual cues like stickers on charts or time doing a favourite activity as a reward are effective forms of praise. Praise should be as immediate as possible so that the child can assess cause and effect.

Seeking Help

 If your child’s behaviour is placing him or herself at risk, or others at risk, you should seek professional help by a psychologist or psychiatrist, rather than trying to handle the situation on your own.

(more…)

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Mindful Perceptive Compassion Focused Therapy -an act of doing good to yourself and to everyone.

Posted in daily writings and musings of the psychologist, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 31, 2021| Leave a Comment »

Meena had left her husband’s house a week ago and she didn’t want to go back.The little fight that they had , had been a routine .She felt she had been a little too hard on her husband. She wanted to atone for these bickerings by punishing herself.She wanted to stay away from her home and husband, always believing this would be her punishment .

Ravi always wanted to have some freedom and space in his busy life. He would travel to the hills once every three months. But he felt guilty of cheating on his wife,every time he did that .He did not know how to compensate his wife for this and the guilt always knawed upon his mind. He brought her number of gifts, believing that way he was paying for his neglect of her . Both the situations above indicate that,

We often take it too hard on ourselves and become compassion less for our own mind ,soul and body.We indulge into self denial ,self effacement and /or believe in self punishment .But how would such a step ever become a compensation to the other partner .Every harmful act that you think of doing to yourself either and or think that self punishment could be an act of compensation to the other partner would in fact be a compassionless act for both.

“You need to be more compassionate to yourself first before you think of developing the same for others. When you have learned compassion for yourself, compassion for others is automatic.”

What is Mindful Perceptive Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT)?

Compassion-focused therapy (CFT) aims to bring about a better mental health and emotional well-being by training and enabling people to develop a compassionate attitude toward themselves and other people in their lives .This helps the person get a better understanding of self and that of others’ intention, motivation and activities.

What does Mindful Perceptive CFT Involve ?

The therapeutic technique of CFT include five A exercises spelt out as Acceptance, Appreciation, Adjustment, Accomodation, Adoption or Adaptation.These extensive exercises, or activities emphasising the mental perception buildup of solid relationship, an individual can enjoy are undertaken during the Therapy on regular basis.

These exercises may include making a list of accepting person or things first at the face values irrespective of the likes or dislikes,Appreciation comes by taking time to savour the moment when something enjoyable is noticed, and other positive rewarding behaviours.Similarly mind then is trained to understand utilise and appreciate the concepts of other four A’s.

Mindful Perceptive Meditation is made use of in CFT is to develop a better sensory perceptive attention to the current moment in a manner that is free from any bias or prejudice. CFT makes use of Compassion-focused imagery exercises, or the use of guided memories to stimulate an appreciation of the environment .The objective of the guided imagery is the production and perception of a relational image that stimulates the calming system of the mind.

This can be achieved by perceptually imaging someone showing kindness and compassion to you and then mentally experience how that feels, with the intention that you learn how to show yourself kindness and compassion.

Disorders treated with Mindful Perceptive CFT

Mindful Perceptive CFT can be helpful to people who find it challenging to understand, feel, or express compassion in their social interaction and relationships .

Mindful Perceptive CFT can help to explore reasons ,events and past experiences that have brought about such a difficulty in developing compassion. Mindful Perceptive CFT explores methods of positive change.

This therapy can also be effective at helping people come out of their distressing thoughts, behaviours, and negative feelings of all kinds . Such MPCFT particularly is helpful when dealing with feelings associated with self condemnation,self effacement and self harm.

CFT can also help with, depression, Anxiety, shame based trauma, eating disorders, anger and self-harm.

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Is your uncontrolled anger damaging your relationship with your spouse ?

Posted in daily writings and musings of the psychologist, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 30, 2020| 3 Comments »

Nothing else can be as fatal for the marital relationship as your anger. An uncontrolled anger is like a slow poison to the strong threads of relations between husband and wife .The uncontrolled anger virtually eats into the very roots of love,trust and respectability of both the partners .

I have observed while counseling estranged or opposing spouses that couples would often express their anger and resentment towards each other and after a while they tend to cool down when educated about their misplacement of their emotions or expectations from each other.

However heavens may help in situations where one of the spouses happen to have an uncontrolable anger . Such expression of constant complaints and anger often leads to physical abuse ,emotional accusations against each other and ultimate separation.

Anger is not so bad if used momentarily and allowed to subside and defused once it has been expressed. The message that the angry person has been upset over certain issues or acts of either spouse can be conveyed and thereafter both would do better to come to the levels of finding ways to negotiate peace and make amends .

There comes a stage when the partners need to involve a professional family therapist who can help them look at their differences or different perceptions in new light to sort out the disputes .Such intervention is arranged with a view to evolve newer and better emotional understanding amongst the couple ,even though the previous hurt still remains at the background. But the seething anger has been overcome as the partners give each other opportunities to grow their new closeness and understanding.

But many a times the harmed partner particularly wife finds it difficult to let go of the past and forgive her husband. Her anger seethes like a wild fire that knows no direction ,hovering over the relationship and destroying everything that comes in its path .Such situation finds no retrieval and the couple sooner or later ends up parting ways through legal separation,or finding it difficult to stay together peacefully.

A partner with such an uncontrolled anger often brings to the fore the mistakes of the other partner,by shaming him or her at every available opportunities,refuses to listen to any explanation by the partner and believes no compromise can be big enough to solve the problems which have arisen in their relationship.

An understanding partner can help coverup many shortcomings ,mistakes and at times blunders of the other partner unless it happens to be a complete erosion of trust and faith.But in the event of such a situation too,the partners need to sit together by letting the anger go and understand how to proceed with their relationship further or even give it a break by inflicting the minimum damage to the family and partners themselves.

It is important that both husband and wife should pay attention to their anger control and if they find that their relationship is getting affected by such frequent bursts of anger. They should consult a counseling psychologist and family therapist .A trained professional counselor and family therapist would help them with relevant anger management therapies including perceptive breathing exercises .

Family therapist during meeting with unhappy, married couple

While there are enough advisors in every social circle to guide and help the estranged or fighting couples but such unprofessional approach unknowingly out of their ignorance can ignite more anger or mistrust towards each other often leading to frequent accusations. As far as possible couples should avoid such agony aunts for their own betterment .Repeated complaints, frequent bickerings and trying to put down the partner or staging a show down for your partner just because you are angry with him or her can on the contrary take the love out of relations,resulting into the damaged partner finding solace elsewhere .No partner in the right mind who values relationship would like to be in such an embarrassing situation .Anytime you feel angry with or at your partner ,give yourself sometime to think over if the confrontation can be through anger or matters can also be discussed without losing control and being firm in your tone and body language.

,If you have such  uncontrolled anger /domestic violence  situation You should come to us at Family Therapy India and we will help you resolve all issues of your marriage in more amicable manner .Find us @ http://www.mansikpramarsh.com

Email us @ mansikpramarsh@gmail.com

Call: 09179383554,917314263087

–Ramneek Kapoor – Family Therapist, Psychologist Counselor and Science of Living Expert .

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Mindful Perceptive Meditation and Talk Therapy can help Schizophrenia

Posted in daily writings and musings of the psychologist, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 3, 2019| Leave a Comment »

pm2Ashu (name changed) could not do anything in life ever since he had been diagnosed of schizophrenia by the psychiatrist. He had been prescribed psychotic medicines by different psychiatrist doctors wherever his family had taken him to them .Yet nothing helped. His fears and phobias had worsened with time. The voices in his head continued disturbing him. His logical cognitive ability had been completely distorted and for him all the delusions had become the real images and characters.

meditation singleSimilarly Sheena (name changed) continued with the fear and phobia of persecution at the hands of a person who had long moved out of her life five years ago. Sheena had been diagnosed of delusional disorder (a psychotic disorder).Her life had become completely miserable as she would often get lost into her phobia and would not be able to conduct her normal day to day routine life.

Schizophrenia is a psychiatric disorder that disables and distorts the logical thinking and cognition of the individual affected by this chronic brain disorder involving “positive” and “negative” symptoms.

Positive symptoms relate to hallucinations (hearing voices or seeing visions that aren’t real), delusions (fixed false beliefs), and disorganized thinking or speech. People suffering from active positive symptoms often respond to those symptoms in ways that are obvious to others around them (e.g., agitation, disorganization).Ashu, mentioned above had suffered from imaginative voices in his head hearing that someone is out to prosecute him and that he would be sent to prison. While these thoughts were not visible to others but he often complained of hearing voices and attributed the voices to one of the persons he had been dealing with in his family business.

Negative symptoms relate to substantial decline in the affected person’s social interactions, communication, and motivation to conduct day to day affairs. Sheena had displayed negative systems when she had been referred to us for, a “split personality.” behavior, but Schizophrenia has nothing to do with split personality. She had been suffering from delusional disorder, a kind of schizophrenic psychotic disorder.

Ashu and Sheena both exhibited resistance to antipsychotic medications and their family members were definitely at a stage when nothing could help them. Ashu did sometimes show partial improvements only to go back to from where it had all started. We noticed that Sheena’s problem continued to be more chronic and affected all aspects of her life. She did not respond to any psychotic medications being administered by the psychiatrist.

But both Sheena and Ashu found it difficult to establish and maintain relationships within the family and externally. They were unable to carry on their day to day work on account of mood swings and delusions that would take a toll of their logical thinking. Both had virtually cut themselves off socially. Their disordered thought process prevented them to understand that they were not normal in their thinking faculty like other people in their lives. Their family too found it quite an uphill and expensive task   to follow the treatment handed out to them by the doctor every fortnight on account of heavy cost and also due to the patient’s refusal to take the medication.

We decided to make good use of Mindful Perceptive Meditation Therapy and Cognitive Behavior Therapy together to treat both Ashu and Sheena regularly on every alternate day basis in order to maintain regularity and without giving them a chance to revert to their pre conditioned schizophrenic way of thinking and cognition. Initially we found it difficult to communicate with the subjects as they would either not come for counseling or if they had come, they would not pay attention to what was being discussed. Gradually they started to respond to our instructions. We had begun the treatment with “Shwas Preksha ‘(Mindful Perceptive breathing exercise on the psychic centers) conducted under the watchful eye of the expert instructor. Soon we started noticing a significant improvement in both of our clients.

Thereafter we had begun with them the activities of “Mindful Perceptive Meditation” which involves both body and mind into deep meditation on the psychic centers, being fully aware of the moment and the breathe present in every living moment in its total intensity”. This continued along with the regular exercises of Kayotsarga to provide the much needed peaceful perception of the body through mind. Kayotsarga is a process of meditation that dissociates the physical body from the mind and it puts the muscles of the body to   complete rest progressively, somewhat similar to progressive muscle relaxation technique.

Peaceful-Mind-Remedies-South-Croydon-426x426Soon a very significant improvement could be noticed in certain negative symptoms, (e.g., negativity about self and family, sense of doom, lack of interest in surroundings and /lack of drive) started yielding to positive thoughts on all these issues .The clients did respond well as we noticed Ashu and Sheena both had begun looking at the positive aspects of their life. Their sense of appreciation for some aspects of their lives could be felt in their daily interaction with us. We could see their interest reviving in their day to day life too exhibiting positive symptoms.

These results had further been strengthened by the process of Mahaprana  Dhwani {greater inner sound effects  produced by the help of mouth and nose while exhaling  the breath by the patients }reformed  on all psychic centers during the process of deep perceptive breathing exercises and exhalation  undertaken by the patients.

Mindful Perceptive Meditation and CBT has been very effectively used by us in a variety of psychiatric/psychological disorders .We had used Mindful Perceptive Meditation and positive affirmative techniques to enable the affected person correct the functioning of endocrine glands producing negative steroids and emotions and subsequent faulty thought process .The practice of CBT generates critical cognition of actual position of the situation and helps analyze all kinds of thoughts with objectivity and factual back up. The Mindful Perceptive Meditation therapy supports written affirmative statements about the self and situations which would be given as homework exercises and are reviewed later with the clients. The whole process was focused on changing the negative perceptions about self and situations to positive emotions and thoughts.

Generally a patient requires 50 to 60 sessions over a period of three to four months. But in severe cases the sessions (each running for 45 minutes to one hour) can go up to 90 to 120 sessions over a period of 6 to 9 months’ time like it had been extended in these two cases for up to 6 months.

It gives us greater satisfaction and happiness that eventually after a hard work of six months , the patients had been cured of their problems to a large extent and with the help of their family and friends,  the process of rehabilitation  of both of  them into the family and society had been achieved.

We have   been making use of Mindful Perceptive Meditation and Cognitive Behavior Therapy successfully in many other cases of depression, anxiety, stress and many other psychotic disorders and many have been restored to their normal life.

Perceptive Meditation enables you live in and with your breath taking your mind away from your anxiety stress and worries of life .It empowers you to live in the moment with complete mindfulness of your soul ,body and mind “. Ramneek Kapoor.

If you have someone in the family suffering from any such disorder,Come and discuss with us how to proceed.

You take the first step today and  we help you  find the much needed happiness.

Call  on us @9179383554 or write to us @ mansikpramarsh@gmail.com

-Ramneek Kapoor – Family Therapist, Psychologist Counselor and Science of Living Expert.

 

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Should you really leave him or does he deserve another chance ?

Posted in daily writings and musings of the psychologist, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 17, 2019| Leave a Comment »

cupl

Amrit (name changed)had not believed her eyes and ears when she just discovered that her husband has been cheating on her for so many years.She found out about him accidentally on the internet when her friend pointed out to the similarities she noticed in her new instagram friend and Amrit’s husband,both the persons were no different from each other.She was shocked to see his pictures with another woman and a kid.Indeed it was her husband only. Amrit didn’t know what to do.She had become suicidal in her thoughts but the question of her three years old child kept her away from any such action.

She had been referred to us by the same friend.”I didn’t want to come for marital counseling “,said Amrit, “but now that I am here , I want to ask you a very pertinent question, “My husband has apologized to me for hundred of times.He promised to me that he has stopped his affair.He says he is committed to becoming a new man. My family too believes that he has changed. But my heart refuses to trust him .I feel I and my child {she has a three years old daughter } would be better off without an unfaithful husband. But my moot worry is whether I can really think of getting married again . Should I consider starting my life again with somebody unknown and new? Or should I really forgive my husband and become blind to his future clandestine affairs and trust he has improved now”.

upset cpl

The pain of heartbreak, of loss of faith in her own worth and of loss of trust in her marital relationship is difficult to measure yet it is understandable. She has a lot to deal with in her life,in her marriage ,in her mental and emotional pain. To carry on the hurtful baggage, of her husband’s unfaithfulness, and a broken marriage to heal is definitely a tall order to ask for from any wife. The same is probably true in the case of Savi(name changed) whose husband unabashedly admitted to his affair when Savi had caught him red handed.

It is a very painful decision to make and decide to either sustain a marital storm of infidelity or to end and break a marriage when the hurt has been on account of complete loss of trust.

Is it possible to come back once the trust is broken? Is it possible to heal your family from the mental, emotional and social ordeal caused by infidelity of your partner? Does it make sense to just get out of the current relationship and start over with someone else?

Most victims of infidelity and marital cheating and /or other emotional abuse will prefer to believe that they’ll be safer in a new relationship .They definitely hope they will be happier with someone who doesn’t stray away from marriage or who doesn’t cheat on them or abuse them.

Yes it could be true .Such a wishful thinking is completely understandable . However, Sudha was quickly disappointed when in her case,her new husband proved to be much worse than her first partner.She had been abused by her husband of earlier marriage . It took her good five years to come out of it and get legal divorce .Her new husband who is a divorcee himself continues maintaining relationship with his earlier wife ,despite all objections from Sudha. His statement is ,”I feel responsible for her now that she has been wronged by me”.

In the case of Sudha(name changed) above, it appears that her husband really changed for his first wife where he felt responsible for her after having divorced her.But this certainly causes lots of hurt to Sudha.

I’ve seen husbands transforming themselves and changing their attitude towards marriage and family after getting the “I want a divorce” notice from their wives . This wake up call opens their eyes to the possibility of their losing the existing family. But mere words may not be enough .The couple needs to undergo marriage counseling and family therapy to ensure spouse learns the values of family ,love ,affection and fidelity.Having been awakened to the possibility of divorce and subsequent marital therapy sessions a spouse is less vulnerable to make the same mistake again and lose it all.

According to a survey by researchers at the University of Chicago, about 25 percent of married men and 17 percent of married women in the United States admit having been unfaithful sometimes or the other . Another research findings indicate the probability of cheating by partners in marriage closer to 25 percent of women and 40 to 50 percent of men.The statistics may not be much different in India given the spread of social media in all sections of society and the access to better online communication on these platforms.

I was not sure how Amrit’s husband’s promises will hold till he falls into another affair. What If Amrit gave him another chance,on my advise, what’s the likelihood that he’d make the same mistake that almost caused him to lose his family and daughter? But our persistence and the couple’s regularity and sincerity in attending all sessions of couple’s counseling did help bring about better understanding amongst the partners.Says Amrit,”your sessions have been very helpful.Even I understood where I had to make amends in my relationship and attitude towards our marriage.And as for my husband, he is a completely different man now with complete sense of loyalty love and affection towards me and our daughter “.

Yes I’m aware that this could be a rare case where a husband truly transformed himself and proved to his family that he’s changed.

crossroads cpl

But If partners were to leave her husbands or the other way around,the very concept of marriage may have to be given a new meaning by the society.It has been my belief that a family is a place where a human can be educated,reformed and brought back with right counseling and marital therapy.Not that I would recommend cheating in this sacred relationship but our counseling and family therapy can ensure that this sort of transgressions would never happen to her again.

But as I had mentioned in my one of write-ups earlier, many wives continue suffering abuse in relationship for years and years .When they wake up to seek amends to the marriage and expect their spouses to mend their ways, it becomes too late.

The best advise here could be ,”to keep an eye on your spouse and read the signs of infidelity”,but it is not the intention of this writer to make a family a detective agency.

Yes it’s true an erring spouse has made serious mistake,but it is also true that the warning of a divorce and taking the kids away with you could be a very harsh wake up call for him to mend his waywardness and improve for future. He can become a better spouse better than anyone else not known and coming as a stranger into your and your children’s life.

We will help you with our counseling and family therapy to develop fulfilling and complete relationships between the two of you .

There is a very strong possibility that the erring spouse who had been disrespecting the marital relationship will now become very keen to transform it; into true love based marriage.

divorced

In situation to the contrary here the wife will have a choice. She can let her husband go and she can get out of the marriage. Her husband most likely will marry another woman and treat her like a queen. He will leave you saddled with the kids that you had from him (like it has happened to Divya (name changed) whose husband left her high and dry with a two years old child ,after their divorce.

The question obviously is: how do you heal from your hurt and ordeal? How do you forgive? How do you get to the head-space where you’re able to give your spouse another chance? These are the questions we help you find answer to in our Family Therapy and Marriage counseling sessions .

Come and discuss with us how to proceed.

You take the first step today and find the much needed happiness by calling on us @9179383554 or write to us @ mansikpramarsh@gmail.com

-Ramneek Kapoor – Family Therapist, Psychologist Counselor and Science of Living Expert.

family therapyFamily will survive all storms with a little patience and perseverance.

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Do you think your spouse is depressed and want to know how to help

Posted in daily writings and musings of the psychologist, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 14, 2018| Leave a Comment »

maxresdefaultWhen Deepti (name changed) had called on us the other day , she had wanted an appointment for her husband , who she thought had been suffering from depression for quite long time . I had advised her that she should accompany her husband to the counseling session. After a few sessions with both of them together and separately with each partner ,it emerged that both of them suffered from depression.Yet they have been in a denial mode.I have seen in many cases that partners refuse to believe that what they are suspecting others suffer from could also be happening to them .They would always believe that just because the other person is complaining he or she could be depressed.Deepti had faced similar situation when she had come to me.Explained Deepti,”my husband Sameer {name changed}blames me for the problems in our marriage.He says that we have all the problems in our relationship because I am depressed.He tells everyone in my family and his family that if my wife was not undergoing depression,there would not be any issues in our marriage.But on the contrary I believe it’s always my husband who suffers from depression.He always complains about everything and blames me unnecessarily when things do not workout as per his plans”.

Family therapist during meeting with unhappy, married coupleIt is normal to have little bit difference of opinion in marital life but should each time difference arisen become the cause of a major fight then the husband wife team need to look at their status of their perceptual faculty. It is common to become little dejected after marital argument but to think of the other person being depressed definitely should be a cause of concern for the partners.It is very likely that both partners are perceiving some issues,concerns and a few problems in marriage negatively that has been giving depression to each other.Depression is made out to be a neurotic  disorder  hence people are always afraid of agreeing that they are undergoing such state of emotional upheaval.The usual response to such situation being.”I am o.k. it is the other person who seems to be suffering from depression”.

argu cplSomewhat similar is the story of Seema and Jatin (names changed) both budding doctors still in their process of setting up their household. The problem arose when a fine day Seema threatened to commit suicide on a very small whimsical issue. She had convinced herself that her husband does not pay her as much attention as he is giving to his other female colleagues in the hospital where he works . This came as a very major shock to Jatin. Jatin had nowhere ever thought about his coworkers in this manner. No amount of explanation could convince his wife and she continued to fight with him from time to time on the same subject forcing her husband to lead a solitary life away from the friends and acquaintances.What began as a depression with one of the spouses had pulled the other partner too into the same state of mind ,giving him depression. Jatin explains his situation in the following words,” My wife Seema has been idealising suicide from her college days. Our relationship dates back to seven years now. We had begun  dating in the first year of our college. In the college too she was always throwing tantrums on me.It is quite surprising that she acts in this manner only when I am around and with me only.She would often break up with me on small pretexts and remain incommunicado for days together. She  will come out of her shell on her own. She would then hardly remember that she has not been in touch with me for so many days. Everything becomes very normal for her soon , but it leaves me completely drained out emotionally.I can never discuss about such a behaviour of my wife to any one in the family or friends as she behaves normal in front of others.I do understand that she does it to gain my attention . For me she is my wife .I do give her the required love and affection. My whole life revolves around her . But I fail to understand why would she want me to be exclusively with her  only all the times. This kind of obsessive  behaviour from my wife has started telling on my professional responsibility. I can not be a doctor in such a big hospital where I am working by living in isolation and yet I do not know how to solve the problem.You being a psychologist could possibly understand the situation better and help us”.

A few sessions with the couple revealed that they both in spite of their long dating history had failed to emotionally connect with each other so far. Seema had wanted to make the emotional connection but had not understood how to proceed with it. She had always wanted to make Jatin part of her inner life. Each time she tried she sounded more pathetic and distressed and felt completely remorseful  when she did not get the desired attention and response from Jatin.

arguing coupleJatin understood her well but he too could not connect with Seema.He did not know how to make her feel loved and understood.She just wanted him to love her and care about her. But her such behaviour had put  off Jatin, leaving him cold and at times uninterested in her .Both the partners had been frustrated and didn’t know how to handle such a situation.

It has been observed by us that one partner in a marriage is depressed , the cause would always  be a marital situation  between the two spouses.  The solution to such a situation has to be found within the marriage situation only.There can be no solution by putting the onus to only one of the  members to the marriage, as the reason is not individual but a common factor is responsible for  whatever is happening to the spouses.

psychologist-helping-couple-relationship-difficulties-office-49310915In the event of either of you suffering from depression , both of you should help each other explore how your relationship dynamic could be  causing such a depression. Though you may want the other person to get individual treatment to his or her complaints by way of the intervention of a psychologist, it is in truth be your total marital situation that needs to be looked in a different perspective as different from your own point of view.  In such a situation you would do well to get your self assessed by our   professional family therapist and counselor. We will together then  work out a plan  that works to revive your marital relationship .Always remember that  you both are equal partners to the happiness and bliss of your marriage and hence let us find the way to the resolution of the differences in marriage too together with each partner respecting and trusting the other equally.

-Ramneek Kapoor – Family Therapist, Psychologist Counselor and Science of Living Expert.

family therapyFamily will survive all storms with a little patience and perseverance

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