Neena felt desolate and lonely, and she suffered a sense of disorientation as she had been denied the job she was so confident of getting.
Rueben had completely given up after he had been passed over for a promotion, with his employer company preferring another candidate much junior to him in experience.
Tamanna felt numb and low after her boyfriend Nahar dropped her and opted for another relationship.
All these people have been denied and rejected from doing whatever they had expected or wanted to do. Some of them had worked for and invested years in reaching where they wanted to be in their careers or relationships.
Many such rejections have been witnessed in recent times, where people had to leave their homes and friends abroad after being denied extensions of visas, or students had to shelve their study plans for similar reasons.
Getting rejected breaks morale. It hurts to the core too. Whether it’s being rejected by a suitor, denial of a much-awaited promotion, or a rejected job interview, rejection is not always taken in an acceptable manner. Even though people are sometimes apprehensive of hearing a “no,” they do not want to hear it for fear of not being approved.
For some people, the fear of hearing “no” becomes so strong that it stops them from taking risks or asking for what they want. Rejection sensitivity can deeply affect daily life, leading to anger, irritation, financial stress, social stress, and often much more than what is stated above.
With so many layoffs, upheavals, and shelving of long-term plans, the hopes and confidence of many are getting derailed.
Let’s understand how we can deal with rejections and the shattering of dreams and expectations, and make rejections less hurtful and more introspective in an accepting way to help rebuild mental and emotional strength and move forward. It sounds easy, but it is not. That’s where the process of “rejection therapy” plays a very positive role in rebuilding and re-emerging as a better person.
What is rejection therapy, and how does it help?
We would rather call it a reconfirming self-technique, where we undertake self-acceptance, self-expression, and a self-improvement process that we can practice on our own when needed.
In this therapy, instead of avoiding situations where we might be told “no,” we actively anticipate them without causing apprehension and anxiety.
The dynamic social environment carries a lot of grapevine, and if we pay attention to these rumours, we can expect to be either accepted, ignored, or rejected. The anticipated discomfort begins much in advance, and we can build resilience to it in smaller steps.
You start with tiny social challenges where you expect to be rejected, and then gradually build your tolerance to discomfort.
The goal isn’t to reject rejection. The exercise helps build confidence, reduce social anxiety, and not permit fear to control your life. When we realise that rejection does not mean as much as we thought—and that many people are kinder than we imagine—it becomes easier to take risks that matter.
But that doesn’t mean you should expect only negative results. Being hopeful and positive has its rewards, and that realisation brings happiness and acceptance.
Wherever you fear and anticipate rejection, acceptance can bring wonderful surprises and self-acceptance.
Gradually, the human brain learns that rejection can be worked through by looking for substitute rewards, and that rejection is not as damaging as expected.
Small steps in dealing with anticipated refusals make you more accepting and comforted. You move on in life and develop maturity and patience to bear the brunt of major challenges.
Each rejection handled with calmness and maturity builds mental and emotional strength and equips the brain with a better understanding of the subject, developing resilience and adjustment.
Rejection then becomes less painful and traumatic as you learn to manage such situations deliberately.
Rejection becomes less self-effacing and more about learning and adjustment. Your brain rewires itself to see social situations as opportunities for growth rather than threats to avoid.
If the thought of anticipated rejection or refusal causes severe anxiety, panic, or intense negative emotions, you should seek professional support from a therapist rather than trying to handle it alone. We at Alka Mansik Pramarsh Foundation can help you manage such anxiety, fear, or panic and help you move forward.
Rejection does not define your life in totality. It can be an opportunity to build a stronger future and prepare yourself to overcome the fear of rejection.
When you stop letting the possibility of hearing “no” determine your worth and start adding value to your decisions for the future, you open yourself to opportunities, connections, and experiences you might have overlooked.
You can contact us at Alka Mansik Pramarsh Foundation if you feel you need professional counselling in the following situations:
- When your anxiety, fear, or stress worsens and causes distress
- When you are unable to move past feelings of rejection and constantly feel sad or hopeless
- When you experience panic
- When you develop physical symptoms or traumatic stress linked to negative thoughts
- When you find yourself becoming avoidant, overly self-critical, or nihilistic
- When you feel overwhelmed or have thoughts of self-harm
- When you are unable to carry out your day-to-day functioning
Please call or reach out to us at @mansikpramarsh. We would be glad to help you.
Mrs Sharma sounded worried when she handed over the school bag of her daughter to bus attendant, “Please tell the driver not to drive too fast. He fetches small children, They can fall off their seats “. The bus attendant just nodded her head in affirmation. Not satisfied with just a nod, Mrs Sharma moved to the front of the bus .”Please drive slow and take care of our children” she had told the driver. The driver too nodded his head. Mrs Sharma waited for the bus to move. She kick started her scooter . She paused for a moment and then turned her scooter towards the direction in which the bus had been going. She followed the bus at a safe distance and eventually having seen the bus safely getting into the school gate, she turned back . Such melodrama has been going on with Mrs Sharma for over a month now.
Julie is only six years old .She studies in the neighborhood kindergarten school. She had been fine all this while and used to be very eager to go to school every morning .Last week suddenly out of the blue she complained of stomach ache and refused to go to school. Her mother had taken her to the pediatrician who found nothing wrong with the child . The child had been referred to the school counselor. A few sessions with the parents, the child and the class teacher revealed, the child has been always worried about her mother being alone at home and this worry always prevailed upon her mind.
Mrs Narwhal was so much worried of getting affected by the germs or carrying the germs back home that she would hang an extra set of clothes in her toilet in advance , which she wanted to wear the moment she would get back home from her trip outside. Every time she had come back to her house, she would first get into the bath to wash her clothes, bathe herself in order to cleanse herself of all the germs that she thought she might have brought with her from outside. She would feel completely relieved once having done this ritual .But it is obvious, such a ritual can be a great pain to other members of her family as the rule of changing into the fresh clothes after returning from outside and of washing the clothes that had been worn for going outside immediately on return from outside played havoc with the peace of the family . Any kind of advise to Mrs Narwhal to stop worrying created further problems as she would avoid such person who would advise her to not to worry .
Veena a company general manager swerved her car swiftly from hitting the road divider on the highway on her way back home from the office, as the driver of another car overtook her without any warning or flashing the indicator. In a reflex action Veena lowered her side window glass and threw expletives on the driver of the other car. She could see a lady driver in the other car too appearing to be in a hurry to reach home after the office . “It could have been the end of my life today”, thought Veena,who was in a hurry to reach home much before her husband made it home.
“Possibly the lady driving other car too has an enraged husband waiting at her home . That’s why the lady appeared to be in a hurry or it is likely that she has a sick child waiting at home”, justified Veena to herself . She found other car drivers behind honking at her , who had been equally disturbed by her abrupt change of direction to the right of the road . She breathed a few more swearing as she eased her car on the road again. Such a scene has become quite common in almost all towns where people appear to be in a mad rush with the surge of anger seething under their breaths. Veena could cool her anger by feeling empathy for lady driver of the other car. But how many of us can actually feel such an empathy for the one who has been the cause of our anger .
Lets us analyse one more situation. Maharishi family has come out for a dinner with another family friend of theirs to a high class restaurant known for its elegant ambiance. As soon as the waiter had placed soup dishes on the table , Mrs Maharishi’s younger child insisted on serving the soup into her dish herself. The young baby could hardly handle the hot dish and found herself spilling the soup all over on the table.
Many a times it would so happen that the anger comes to us in a sequence of various events and by the time we realize what has happened we end up losing control of the situation completely .This anger as we saw in the restaurant begins with one small event later on building up on the subsequent emotional reactions of angry outbursts.We just saw that anger had been building up on the earlier anger and the entire atmosphere had been converted into the inflamed oven of angry moods in the restaurant. The anger that had been just started with a small event got so intense after it found its subsequent hijacking devoid of any reason or logic .When we are engrossed into the angry atmosphere we just lose our sense of being and get carried away. This kind of anger had been built up not by the threat to the physical self but to the perceptive respectability, and disciplined family image of the Maharishi family . Mrs Maharishi felt insulted by the behavior of her child in the presence of her guests hence she had hit the child rather than at that time taking control of the situation and calming down her child.
Manoj and his wife had been having argument for over a week now over some trivial matter. His wife noticed that every time the argument had begun Manoj would simply slip out of the house and return much later after her temper had died down. She followed him in their next bout of angry expletives .Manoj had gone to the temple nearby . He sat amongst the bed of flowers in the green lawns of the temple. She sat next to him as he moved aside to offer her more space. All that was causing trouble in them had been forgotten and they both decided to come to the same place next time an argument would start among them.Manoj told her that he would always allow himself a cooling down period every time he lost his temper , by coming to the calm and serene garden. Such distraction really works wonders on the mind and makes it one with the atmosphere .
Lesson learnt : Move out to the place of your liking when you get angry. The place can be the garden nearby, a place of worship, a coffee shop, a favourite restaurant, a small drive around the corner and reflect calmly on the atmosphere rather than pursuing the train of anger from which you have just execused yourself .
Family Always Comes First
Alka Mansik Pramarsh Foundation Clinical Psychologists-Family therapists Indore 0731-4263087,9179383554 
Do you think your spouse is depressed and want to know how to help
Posted in daily writings and musings of the psychologist, tagged anger, angry, anxiety, clinical psychologist in indore, clinicalpsychologist, counselling psychologist, depression, family counselling, family counsellor, family counsellor in indore, family dispute counselling, family fights, family systems, family therapist in indore, family therapists, family therapy, familytherapist, familytherapistin indore, lifestyle, marital counseling, marital counselling, marital counsellor, marital disputes, marital disputes counseling, maritaltherapy, marraige counselling, marriage, marriage counseling, marriage counseling in Indore, meditation, mental health, mindset, premarital counselling, premarital counsellor, premarriage counselling, premarriage fears, psy, psychiatrist, psychological abuse, psychologist, psychologist in indore, psychologistinindore, psychologistsinindore, psychology, psychotherapyLeave a comment, reflections, relationship, relationships, sad, society, Tagged anxiety, women on December 14, 2018| Leave a Comment »
A few sessions with the couple revealed that they both in spite of their long dating history had failed to emotionally connect with each other so far. Seema had wanted to make the emotional connection but had not understood how to proceed with it. She had always wanted to make Jatin part of her inner life. Each time she tried she sounded more pathetic and distressed and felt completely remorseful when she did not get the desired attention and response from Jatin.
It has been observed by us that one partner in a marriage is depressed , the cause would always be a marital situation between the two spouses. The solution to such a situation has to be found within the marriage situation only.There can be no solution by putting the onus to only one of the members to the marriage, as the reason is not individual but a common factor is responsible for whatever is happening to the spouses.
-Ramneek Kapoor – Family Therapist, Psychologist Counselor and Science of Living Expert.
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